a very serious podcast

avsc – the 5 best phrases to say hear or read

I fill Jake in on the week’s news and then proceed to explain to him the 5 best phrases to say, hear or read. I’m not sure how valid the list is, because I forgot to make Jake sign off on the list after it was announced. Careful listeners will hear clues about where I hid a pot of gold.

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avsc – the 5 most important places to go before you die

In this week’s episode, Phil & I talk about Vladimir Putin, Derek Boogaard, Tim Tebow, Amy Winehouse, wireless mobiles and Meredith Kercher. I then list for him the 5 Most Important Places to Go Before You Die.

If you want to know how to get into Thug Mansion, you have to listen to this podcast.

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avsc – the 5 most important milestones in life

In this episode I get Jake up to date on the news and then we proceed to figure out the 5 most important milestones in life. This is a must-listen episode with a surprise twist ending.

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avsc – the 5 best commercial spokes-animals

In this episode Phil & I discuss current affairs such as the recent spate of hand injuries amongst such athletes as Miguel Cotto and Ryan Braun, as well as the break-up of the Black Eyed Peas.

We also discuss my list of the 5 Best Commercial Spokes-Animals, with side-topics that include our endorsement of jokes about this year’s tsunami in Japan (and 9/11), Ton Loc’s “Funky Cold Medina“, Prohibition and much more.

By the way, all of the music in our podcast is by Victor Kenyon / Wiener Strauss.

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avsc – the worst things that can happen to you while shaving

In this episode Jake and I discuss the recent news about the Breaking Dawn premiere, Matt Kemp’s death in an avalanche, how English people call dog leashes “leads”, this scene from Selena and the Jennifer Lopez upcoming sequel to Selena, Selena 2011. We also discuss Extranormal on TV Azteca.

The list for today is of the worst things that can happen to you while shaving, a question that was first asked here.

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avsc – movies with food names

In this episode of A Very Serious Conversation, Phil and Jake discuss Robert Pattinson, Tiger Woods, Sylvio Berlusconi, and Jake’s list of the Top 5 Movies With Food Names (in the order of his preference for the food they’re named after). Other topics that come up during the conversation include TGI Friday’s, Mad Magazine, the theme of “slobs vs. snobs” and much more.

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avsc – fictional drugs

Jake and Phil announce the start of the new season of A Very Serious Conversation, discuss Ndamukong Suh, Conjoined Twins, Pixar, Roger Federer & Kim Kardashian. They then discuss the top 5 fictional drugs (Skurb 78, nuke, soma, love potion #9, stimpak & black lotus).

Phil gets about 100 things wrong, for example he says they use peyote in Brave New World when in reality they take mushrooms.

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vs netflix wk 8 – La Femme Nikita

In this epsode, we mull over Luc Besson’s Pygmalion-assassin Nikita from 1990.

Previously on Jake & Phil vs Netflix:

• Hoop Dreams – Basketball & America
• Die Hard – Agent Johnson.  No, the other one.
• Swamp Thing – Swamp Creature vs Accented Nietzsche Fan
• the Day the Earth Stood Still – Space Jesus
• Steamboat Bill, Jr. – Through the Window
• Brewster’s Millions – PDI: Public Domain Iceberg
• The Quick and the Dead – Raimi Party

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vs netflix wk 7 – Hoop Dreams

Our war against Netflix continues as we get to know Arthur Agee and William Gates (the other one) in Hoop Dreams (1994). Next week our struggle continues with La Femme Nikita. Let us know if we left anything out.

Previously on Jake & Phil vs. Netflix

• Die Hard – Agent Johnson.  No, the other one.
• Swamp Thing – Swamp Creature vs Accented Nietzsche Fan
• the Day the Earth Stood Still – Space Jesus
• Steamboat Bill, Jr. – Through the Window
• Brewster’s Millions – PDI: Public Domain Iceberg
• The Quick and the Dead – Raimi Party

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vs netflix wk 6 – Die Hard

Jake and I discuss John McTiernan’s classic Die Hard.  I don’t need to explain it to you too much because you’ve probably seen it.  Die Hard Die Hard Die Hard.  That’s right I said it.  Next week is Hoop Dreams.

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AVSC: Angry Bird Rap Stars

This episode starts with a trip to the answerly.com Twitter feed, where Phil & I explore the life-saving properties of alcohol and the historical oddities of our civilization’s calendar. As it turns out, we’re annoyed at the actions of a couple of ancient Roman rulers.

We then proceed to a discussion of the video games at Phil’s house, starting with Angry Birds and then proceeding on to Def Jam Rapstar (both for PS3), the latter of which leads to a more general discussion of rap music & rap videos. After touching upon Ice Cube, Onyx and Geto Boys we delve into an analysis of the works & legacy of Biz Markie (inspired in part by the book The Big Payback: The History of the Business of Hip-Hop, which neither of us has actually read).

The episode is capped off with a “Reality Check, Please” segment, featuring King Arthur and Popeye. For the record, the guy was a writer for the Spirit comic strip and who also wrote the Popeye movie screenplay is one Jules Feiffer.

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vs netflix wk 5 – Swamp Thing

This podcast is the first reference to our audience by the name of “P.E.T.E.R.” (People who we Entertain Together Everywhere Rightfully)  We covered topics associated with Swamp Thing (1982).  Just in case someone’s on google trying to find a podcast about these topics, we discuss:  Wes Craven, Dick Durdock, Adrienne Barbeau, Adrienne Barbeau’s hair and clothes, Sam Raimi, Doctor Arcane, The Creature from the Black Lagoon and Ikari Warriors.

Next week’s movie will be Die-Hard, which neither of us have seen in 10+ years.

Previously on Jake & Phil vs. Netflix

• the Day the Earth Stood Still
• Steamboat Bill, Jr.
• Brewster’s Millions
• The Quick and the Dead

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vs netflix wk 4 – The Day the Earth Stood Still

This week Jake and I watched The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951).  We somehow didn’t mention the theremin at all.

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AVSC: Reality Check, Please… Can We Get Separate Bills?

Phil & I start off this conversation by discussing my new idea for a reality show: “PornDads”.

Then we hit up the Answerly.com Twitter feed to address a couple of interesting questions we found posted there. The first question involves the cutting edge of drugs (disguised as bath products), and the second question involves the cutting edge of mind-readers (disguised as vending machines).

Next, we move on to the main topic of the podcast, where we examine a few famous figures to determine their degree of real-ness. This is the test-run of an ongoing AVSC segment that we’re (probably) calling “Reality Check, Please”, and it relates to Phil’s recent Real/Not Real poll. While future iterations of this segment will likely feature just one famous figure, in this episode we talk about three: She (of “that’s what she said” fame), Johnny Fuckerfaster and Rosie the Riveter (which includes some talk of Lewis Hine‘s “Powerhouse Mechanic” photo as well as Tex Avery’s Swing Shift Cinderella cartoon).

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vs netflix wk 3 – Steamboat Bill, Jr.

Our war on Netflix continues apace with a discussion of Steamboat Bill, Jr (1928) starring Buster Keaton.  The next movie we watch will be “the Day the Earth Stood Still” (1951).

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coming soon – Steamboat Bill Jr.

This week’s movie will be Steamboat Bill, Jr. If you have an opinion about it or question about it let us know.

It’s in public domain so you can get this movie off torrents legally if you don’t have Netflix:

vs netflix wk 2 – Brewster’s Millions

Jake and I give Brewster’s Millions the most discussions it’s ever had, more than it can probably stand.  We also discussed the nature of the American Dream, Donald Duck’s abuse of his nephews, John Candy, “Back Then” by Mike Jones, and a dozen other things.  This is the 2nd movie in a row that features both Pat Hinkle and a large clock chiming.

Next week’s movie will be Steamboat Bill, Jr:

It’s in public domain so you can get this movie off torrents legally if you don’t have Netflix:

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coming soon – Brewster’s Millions

In the next episode of Jake and Phil vs Netflix we’ll discuss Brewster’s Millions (1985) starring Richard Pryor and John Candy (with Jerry Orbach, Yakov Smirnoff & Rick Moranis), which I saw with my sister in the Ukiah 4 theatre as a kid.  There have been 9 remakes of Brewster’s Millions, including 2 in India.  The most famous remake is a legendary “lost” movie starring Fatty Arbuckle that we can’t ever see.

The bar they go to in the beginning of the movie (“Torchy’s”) is the same set they use for the redneck bar in 48 Hours.  Also Pat Hingle the guy who played the bartender from our last movie “The Quick and the Dead” makes an appearance.

vs netflix wk 1 – the quick and the dead

We watched the Quick and the Dead and then discussed it for A Very Serious Conversation colon Real Talk with an ‘E’ instead of an ‘A’ parentheses Jake and Phil vs  netflix wk1.

Please listen and comment or else we did it for naught.

Week 2′s movie will be Brewster’s Millions starring Richard Pryor.  Like all the movies we’ll be watching in this series, it’s on netflix’s “watch instantly”.  We haven’t picked out all the movies we’ll be watching so as always suggestions are welcome but mostly we want movies that we never got around to seeing before.

note: I was wrong, Bruce Campbell’s cameo was cut from the movie.  In the scene, he accosts the bartender’s daughter. The scene was only filmed to placate the actor who played the bartender.  Also although the movie has the same title as several other movies and a Louis L’amour it’s unrelated.

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The Quick and The Dead

Jake and I are starting a project where we watch a movie on Netflix’s watch instantly and then discuss it.  The first movie is Sam Raimi’s star-studded & action-packed The Quick and the Dead from 1995.  We’re recording the dicussion tonight so any suggestions, memories, thoughts, opinions or questions about the film would be appreciated.

To refresh your memory:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Quick_and_the_Dead_(1995_film)

AVSC: Spirit Animals

It was my turn to choose topics so I decided that we’d talk about spirit animals, animal-human hybrids, animal-animal hybrids, guides through the spirit world, King Tut’s D in a jar, my dad’s music career, the ancient Egyptian practice of putting earring on Crocodiles and bringing them to parties, sexy cat girls with and without tails, the Muppets, Prince Rupert’s dog, Tigra, Manimal, Beastmaster, James Earl Jones’ character from Conan the Barbarian, Sobek, Horus & Felicia. We discuss some other things also but you’ll have to listen to find out what they are. If you listen but don’t comment, you’re in the doghouse.

I took the quality down a bit to get the file smaller, let me know how it sounds.

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AVSC: How to Make Him Fall in Love With You

At long last, A Very Serious Conversation addresses the important issue of how to bewitch your beau, to beguile your best guy, to gently entrance your gentleman escort.

Should you be like “one of the dudes”? Should you make him pay for everything? Should you “give it up” on the first date? What effects will Love Potion #9 have on him? Should you play jealousy games? Should you read books, or at least pretend to? What do the rapper Ludacris or Cosmopolitan magazine have to say on the matter? (more…)

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AVSC: What We’ve Done

This episode of A Very Serious Conversation is kind of a hodgepodge of ideas thrown this way and that without much rhythm or rhyme to it. I’m not even sure what the original intended topic was. We start with a discussion of author Michael Pollan (I just read his book The Omnivore’s Dilemma), touching upon my vegetarianism and Phil’s non-TV-ownershipism. We talk about the rubber ducky that Phil wishes he had.

About halfway through the conversation, our friend and recurring guest Jason joins in, as we recall some of the things we used to see as kids that we don’t see anymore, and how we’re dumber than we used to be. I tell a story about when I held a baby white tiger while in Denver, and Phil tells the story of the time he got stranded in that same city. Jason outdoes both of us with his story of flying the Goodyear blimp. (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Roadblock (Mark II)

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Pete discuss Roadblock (Mark II).

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: The Funny Pages

In celebration of veryserious.org’s newest category– and to tickle Phil’s fancy– this episode of A Very Serious Conversation is about Beetle Bailey, Garfield, Doonesbury and the like. That’s right: newspaper comic strips.

We start by reviewing the origins of the comic strip, tracing its predecessors as far back at the ancient Egypt. On the voyage through the history of sequential art we makes stops at significant signposts like the Bayeux Tapestry and the works of William Hogarth (illustrator of– amongst other things– the inaugural Very Serious Picture). Our discussion of the early days of newspaper funnies includes the Katzenjammer Kids, Mutt & Jeff, Hogan’s Alley (the Yellow Kid’s home) and Little Nemo in Slumberland.* (more…)

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AVSC: Entertainment, Advertising & Art

For this episode of A Very Serious Conversation, Phil hoped to talk mainly about the song “Air Force Ones” by Nelly. Before he can even bring up the subject, I insist we first address the term (and phenomenon) known as “pod-fading” and the Nineties sitcom Martin. He eventually manages to get the conversation moving in his preferred direction, but it’s not long before I’m digressing to such topics as Obama’s reference to Lil’ Wayne and the billboard ban in São Paulo. (more…)

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AVSC: Things We Learned From Comics

Phil and I grew up reading comic books, and we still read them today. We go to the comic store on a weekly basis, listen to podcasts about comic books, and read comic book blogs. If it’s just the two of us, chances are we’re talking about comic books. We usually manage to keep too much comics-talk out of A Very Serious Conversation, but if you’re a regular listener you’ve probably heard us make a comic book reference every so often.

This episode is all-comics. If you don’t know (or care) much about comics, don’t let that frighten you. You won’t get too confused, because we make an effort to explain everything we refer to. You won’t get too bored, because what we’re talking about isn’t so much what happens in comics as it is how they apply to our lives. The discussion is framed around a list of lessons we learned from a life of reading them, including: (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Shipwreck

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Pete discuss Shipwreck.

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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A Very Serious American Hero: Beach Head

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Pete discuss Beach Head.

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Things We Wish Were Real

In this episode of A Very Serious Conversation, Phil and I enumerate the things that some of us at Very Serious wish were real. These range from words wisdom and patriotic parables to lessons learned from TV ads, from super powers and mystical objects to hip-hop sex supplements and porn performances, from Mary Poppins to– surprise, surprise– Jessica Rabbit.

Along the way, we discuss Phil’s regret for not joining the Navy (where he could have learned about “rat kings”), our experiences dealing with bullies, my powers of telepathy, the big ideas behind the X-Men, and much more. I also reveal a detail or two of the my Mary Poppins/Jessica Rabbit team-up idea.

Questions that arise during the conversation include:
- Is a college education really as valuable as they say it is?
- Why is prostitution illegal, while pornography isn’t?
- How exactly does a bag of holding work (and what happens if you put a portable hole inside it, or vice versa)?

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A Very Serious American Hero: Buzzer

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Pete discuss Buzzer.

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Sexy History

In this episode of A Very Serious Conversation, Phil and I return to the recurring theme of  “something about which we know, with the word ‘sexy’ inserted before it.”  We both have college degrees in history, so “Sexy History” came naturally. It starts at the beginning of (sexy) life on (sexy) earth and proceeds from there through a sampling of the sexiest people, places and things of all time.

Eve– the original sexy person– comes first, bringing along all the sexy cave-people that were her contemporaries (I know… that doesn’t make sense to me, either). As we discuss whether ancient fertility-goddess statues were used for masturbation, our friend Jon briefly joins the conversation. We move from there to sexy Greeks, such as Helen of Troy and Sappho of Lesbos.

Cleopatra probably gets the most attention of anyone in the podcast. If you frequently wonder “What did Cleopatra look like?” then this is the thing for you. We review contemporary images and descriptions of her, as well as portrayals of her in modern times (Elizabeth Taylor in the film Cleopatra; Lyndsey Marshal in the HBO series Rome). Next is sexy Roman emperor Caligula, which quickly leads to Penthouse Magazine (the publisher of which produced the 1979 Caligula movie), which in turn leads to finding hardcore stuff in your friend’s dad’s porn stash. We also talk about the thing Caligula did with a horse. (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: The Fridge

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Pete discuss The Fridge.

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: The Key to Success

This episode of A Very Serious Conversation covers a wide variety of topics; it’s a grab-bag of ideas, a potpourri of concepts, a hodge-podge jambalaya of thought and discourse.

Phil and I start off by talking about the state of banks in America, specifically dealing with our own Washington Mutual and its buyout by Chase. Somewhere between bank robberies and ATM fees, we receive a surprise visit from out buddy Jason, who sticks around for the rest of the podcast.

After banks, we move on the subject of commonly-mispronounced words and the pedants that point them out. Discussing “deux ex machina” leads to some talk about Wild Hogs & Raiders of the Lost Ark, but we get back on-topic when we ponder the question “What’s the best way to correct someone when they mispronounce a word?” You, dear listener, are welcome to answer that question here.

Other subjects covered include the Spider-Man burger, the songs of Prince and the relative sexiness of various classic film starlets. Don’t worry, the title of this podcast isn’t a scam; we also reveal the key to success. (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Tomax & Xamot

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Pete discuss Tomax & Xamot.

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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A Very Serious American Hero: Airtight

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Pete discuss Airtight.

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: How to Tell if Your Guy is Cheating

For this week’s episode of A Very Serious Conversation, Phil and I are joined by our good friend Jason to discuss the telltale signs of an unfaithful man. I know what you’re thinking: “How could three such honorable, loyal, trustworthy dudes know anything about what makes a cheater?” The answer to that question is: “Through lots of research.” We also had some help from my darling girlfriend, Ali, who belongs to a special society (known as “all of womanhood”) that has a special interest in knowing about such things.

Examples of suspicious behavior include: coming home at 5:00 in the morning (in which case you should take a good whiff of his penis), closing his web browser every time you walk in the room (especially when Myspace or Facebook is involved), the classic lipstick-on-the-collar scenario, grooming himself more than usual and everyone at the brothel knowing him by name. (more…)

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AVSC: 8 Sure Ways to Lose Weight

Phil and I have the answers to the question everyone wants to know: What’s the best way to lose weight? In this episode of A Very Serious Conversation we give you not one, but EIGHT unbeatable ways to shed unwanted points, plus a few extra almost-unbeatable ways.

You’ll have to listen to the podcast to find out what our eight wonderful weight-shedding tricks are, but I’ll tell you now that some of the subjects we touch upon include: In-N-Out french fries, cooking with oils, the definition of the word “diuretic”, weight-loss drugs,  funhouse mirrors, helium-resistant blood types, gross things that highschool wrestlers do, the invention of halitosis by Listerine, the time Phil got dysentery by drinking water from an airplane bathroom sink, and one-legged bikinis.

We tackle some big ideas, such as the fact that everyone hates themselves and that there’s an industry that feeds off  that self-loathing. We discuss the secrets behind getting enough sleep and staying financially healthy, and we talk about what should be taught in elementary school that currently isn’t. Lastly, we give more details about what’s going to (/did) happen when Phil & I take (/took) our time-traveling adventure.

Questions that arise during the conversation include: “Why don’t they make coffee-flavored cigarettes?” and “Do Semites really have hooves?”

After listening, please comment.

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A Very Serious American Hero: Muskrat

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Pete discuss Muskrat.

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Princesses Galore

The Disney Princess have had a lot of exposure on Very Serious; Phil and I talked about them in the “Things That Girls Like” episode of AVSC, and there was also a Very Serious Video about them. To make things even, we decided to give some limelight to the female characters of “lesser” animation studios. That’s what this episode is about.

First, we address the Pixar Princesses. This group includes Bo Peep (the Toy Story movies), Atta (A Bug’s Life), Boo (Monsters, Inc.), Dory (Finding Nemo), Violet (The Incredibles), Sally Carrera (Cars) and EVE (Wall-E). Next are the Dreamworks Princesses: Bala (Antz), Tzipporah (The Prince of Egypt), Fiona (the Shrek movies), Angie (Shark Tale) and Stella the Skunk (Over the Hedge). We also touch upon animation of Don Bluth, but end up talking more about the video games he created– Dragon’s Lair and Space Ace– than about princesses.

Much of our talk is based around hypothetically posing these groups against each other in various contests, ranging from (more…)

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AVSC: Nude Robots of the Future

For this episode of A Very Serious Conversation, Phil wanted to talk about sexy robots. As it turns out, I happen to be a big fan of sexy robots. So things went great.

Heavy Metal magazine introduced both of us to sexy robots, so discussion of the topic starts there but moves forward quickly. Why, Phil wants to know, is the future filled with sexy robots? Pondering that question leads to more questions: Is the future sexier than the present, and are both sexier than the past? Exactly how sexy was ancient Rome, anyway? Should all robots be sexy?

We cover a lot of different robots, from general types (traffic robots, torture robots, etc.) to specific robots like (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Torch

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Torch.

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Branding

This week’s episode is a brief one. But a shortened Very Serious Conversation is better than no conversation at all, right?

I’ve been thinking of Very Serious in terms of “branding” and wanted to talk about it in a podcast with Phil. Our discussion starts off with us comparing Very Serious with malt beverages (such as Smirnoff Ice and Jack Daniel’s Country Cocktails) and cigarettes (primarily Camel products). We then address the subjects of fictional brand spokespersons, similarities that fascist Italy has with certain magazines (Cosmopolitan & Playboy), and boobies (the species of bird) .

We ask ourselves the question: “Who should be the Very Serious fictional spokesperson?” We consider Joe Camel, President Obama, Chris Tucker and Donald Duck; but in the end the most promising candidate turns out our own version of Donald’s uncle, Scrooge McDuck. I also bring up Joe Camel, Spuds McKenzie and The Noid, and we discuss which of those three characters each of us is most like. (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Stalker (Mark II)

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Stalker (Mark II).

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Things That Guys Like

This episode of A Very Serious Conversation is kind of a sequel to the Things That Girls Like show we did few weeks back. For the sake of symmetry, I based this show around proposing a “guy’s analogue” for each of the things we’d said girls like (The Notebook, Katy Perry, diamonds, Gambit, gossip/drama and reading fiction).

Phil plays along, again, as I go through the list: a movie, a recording artist, a mineral substance, a comic book character, a couple of methods for cheaply enriching our emotional lives and something we can curl up with on a cold lonely day. We discuss whether or not it’s true that guys tend to like these things, and whether the same is true for ladies. (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Avalanche (Mark II)

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Avalanche (Mark II).

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Sexy Laser Words

It’s clear that Phil’s choice of topic for this week’s Very Serious Conversation is part of a scheme to draw people to veryserious.org, but don’t let that discourage you from listening. In my opinion, this is one of our best shows yet; which is no small feat, as it happens to be our fiftieth episode. Coincidentally, today also saw the five-hundredth post of A Very Serious Question.

Considering the momentousness of the occasion, it seems appropriate that our conversation have a self-reflective aspect. After some chit-chat about my fan-fic (featuring Tom from Around Comics), the Statue of Liberty and how cool we are, we address Phil’s topic: a review of the search terms that have directed people towards veryserious.org, and discussion of the motivations behind those searches. (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Snake-Eyes (Mark III)

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Snake-Eyes (Mark III).

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Dippin’ Sauce

Dippin’ Sauce (or “dipping sauce”), the topic that Phil chose for this episode of A Very Serious Conversation, can mean a lot of things. Our discussion here is a journey through the many arenas in which the term can be applied: from cuisine, cleanliness and coitus to ideology and metaphysics.

Many questions arise: What’s the best thing to dip an artichoke into? Which is the best of the original McNuggets sauces? Is Popeye’s the best fast-food place? Are “rich” and “creamy” the same thing? Is freedom the dippin’ sauce for America, or vice-versa? Is terrorism a kind of dippin’ sauce? When a man loves a woman, and he dips his Lik-A-Stik into her Lik-M-Aid, does that count as dippin’ sauce?

We discuss all sorts of fluid food items: peanut butter, melted butter, mustard, breast milk, barbecue sauce and– of course– hot mayonnaise. (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Chuckles

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Chuckles.

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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A Very Serious American Hero: Storm Shadow (Mark II)

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Storm Shadow (Mark II).

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: The Best Movies of 2008

Phil & I invited our friend Thadd* back to A Very Serious Conversation for a sequel to the Best Movies of 2007 episode we recorded last year. To avoid confusion: this isn’t the Best Movies of 2007 Part II, it’s the Best Movies of 2008.

We each brought with us a list of what we thought were the five best movies released last year. We count them down simultaneously, discussing each film as it comes up. We give passing mention (more…)

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AVSC: Holidays

Victor, another friend (and Very Serious contributor) joined Phil & I for this week’s episode.* The conversation took place on Presidents Day, so I chose the subject of “holidays” for the topic. Discussion is centered around ranking the ten U.S. federal holidays from best to worst. Those holidays are (in order of appearance on the calendar): New Years’ Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Presidents Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

We didn’t make an effort to research the details of each holiday’s purpose and origins, but we make up for it with speculation and unfounded assertions. Important questions arise: Is MLK Jr. Day a “black” holiday? Does Presidents Day cover all 44 Presidents? What’s the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day? Why doesn’t Labor Day happen on the same date as International Workers Day? Is Columbus Day actually Italian Day? (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Snake-Eyes (Mark II)

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Snake-Eyes (Mark II).

If you want to read along, click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Reading

Our friend (and veryserious.0rg c0-contributor) Donovan joins Phil and I for this episode of A Very Serious Conversation. Having once worked in the book-publishing industry, he’s an ideal guest for discussing this week’s topic: Reading.

I start things off by reciting this quote from former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt: “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” As the premise for our conversation, we replace the word “discuss” with “read about” and apply the quote to a few different forms of print media.

First, we talk about books, including the ones Phil and Donovan are currently reading (a Mark Twain collection and The Race for Timbuktu by Frank T. Kryza, respectively). Donovan also brings up Confessions of a Video Vixen so he can brag about meeting the author, Karrine Steffans. We somehow end up discussing movies during this segment, and Donovan confesses to having cried during both Walk the Line and Milk. (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero – Budo

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Budo.

Click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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A Very Serious American Hero: Spirit

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Spirit.

Click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Things That Girls Like

This week’s episode is centered around a handful of generalizations that I make about girls, aka “women.” Phil plays along as I go through a list of things that I think girls like, including: a film, a pop singer, a precious gem, a comic book character and a grouping of cartoon characters. He tries to avoid agreeing with many of my generalizations, but concedes one or two of them. He also adds one of his own, regarding the reading habits of women versus men.

I think we avoid sexism for the most part, probably because we’re not sexist.

It wouldn’t be A Very Serious Conversation, of course, if we didn’t veer off into tangential discussions. The entries this time include Charles Schultz’s Peanuts, the guy who invented Wonder Woman & the lie detector test, things that cowboys like (according to Waylon & Willie) and Poochie from “The Simpsons“.

Don’t Forget: If you leave a comment below, we might get a new microphone.

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A Very Serious American Hero: Law & Order

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Law & Order.

Click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Drugs

In this week’s episode of A Very Serious Conversation, you’ll find Phil much more subdued than he was in last week’s podcast. His changed attitude could be a result of the sound beating he received from me once we finished recording last week, but it’s more likely because he’s beaten me so many consecutive times at Scrabble lately that he pities me enough to taper back the verbal assaults.

Along with Phil’s apologies to me, the first third or so of the podcast contains us brainstorming ways to outsource AVSC to another country, a description of the new high-tech microphone we plan to get (if you, the listener, does your duty) and discussion of President Obama’s drug policy plans such as doing away with disparities in sentencing for crack-related vs. powder cocaine-related crimes (see my review of WhiteHouse.gov for the specifics). The remainder of the episode is structured around weighing the pros and cons of some of the most commonly-used drugs: caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, hallucinogenic mushrooms, LSD, cocaine, methamphetamines, ecstasy and heroin.
(more…)

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AVSC: Very Serious Reviews

This episode of A Very Serious Conversation showcases the new Very Serious Reviews category at veryserious.org, which according to Phil is a money-making scheme of his design similar to the way a TV show is a money-making scheme for a TV station. The example we use in our discussion is the popular CBS sitcom “Two and a Half Men“, which I consider to actually be part of Charlie Sheen’s Hot Shots! Part Trois-making scheme.

Early in the conversation, Phil accuses me of “always saying everything is the best.” This unwarranted act of aggression leads to the derailment of my show agenda as I try to make the case that his Very Serious Reviews show less range and variation than my own, at least in terms of the star-rating system. The resulting negative-feedback loop drives a quick devolution into a game of snappish one-upmanship in the classic AVSC style that made this podcast so popular in the first place. (more…)

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A Very Serious American Hero: Deep Six

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Deep Six.

Click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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A Very Serious American Hero: Blowtorch

Nick has a giant stack of G.I. Joe File Cards that he cut from the backs of action figure packages when he was a kid in the Eighties. Jake thought it would be fun to read through the cards, talk about whatever comes up and record those conversations for a series of short-length podcasts. G.I. Joe provides the framework each episode, but a variety of topics spring forth.

In this episode Nick, Jake and Phil discuss Blowtorch.

Click on the File Card to see it bigger.

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AVSC: Employment

The super-team of Phil & Jake has reunited to bring you a giant-sized episode of A Very Serious Conversation, still at the regular cover price!

The subject or employment– and/or a lack thereof– has been on the collective American consciousness during the last many months, so I decided it would be a good topic for Phil & I to discuss on the podcast. After opening with a few of Phil’s flights of fancy (you know, the standard stuff, like doing cocaine off of a newborn baby and giant insect-like garbage-truck helicopters) and a lesson on trading commodity futures (as well as the film Trading Places), we delve into a review of our own experiences as members of the American workforce. (more…)

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AVSC: Ein Gespräch mit Stefan

While in London a few weeks ago I managed to convince Stefan– a good friend of Phil and I– to record an episode of A Very Serious Conversation with me, the first-ever episode featuring a sit-in for one of our regular hosts (the absent host, of course, being Phil).

Stefan is from Berlin; east Berlin to be precise. In his younger years, in fact, it was still East Berlin. He met Phil and I as an exchange student to our hometown of Ukiah in the early 90s, and returned to the U.S. later in that decade to be a student and then some kind of financial guy or something* in New York City. About a year ago, work visa issues caused him to move to London, but if things go right he may be moving back to the U.S. soon. (more…)

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AVSC: Things That Are True

After a seven-week hiatus, A Very Serious Conversation is back.

Phil chose the subject for this Conversation, and it’s an interesting one. But before we get to it we spend some time addressing the election of Barack Obama, which brings about the obvious topics: The Hudson Bay Company, apologizing for slavery, Galileo & Copernicus, the bottleneck in human diversity that happened 70,000 years ago (as described in Richard Dawkins’ The Ancestor’s Tale) and gay marriage.

Then we move on to our main subject– Greek philosopher-mathematician Pythagoras and the people he inspired– which leads to a variety of interesting topics, such as ancient systems of measurement and the multiverse theory.* Feeding off our riled-up philosophy-pheremones, we put on a pretense of profundity (more…)

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Halloween

Halloween is almost here, and I decided it was time for Phil and I to show our festive sides by making the much-celebrate night of masks, mayhem and the macabre our topic for this episode.

We start with a brief history of the holiday, from it’s ancient Celtic origins to the emergence of mass-produced costumes and trick-or-treating in modern times (make sure not to notice the part where I erroneously conflate the Holy Roman Empire and the Roman Catholic Church). From there we move on to discussion of the things we like and dislike about Halloween, the best and worst costumes we’ve ever worn, the best and worst ones we’ve ever seen, and our predictions for popular costumes this year. Points of interest along the way include scantily-clad girls, the now-defunct annual celebration of the holiday (more…)

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Johnny B. Goode

In this most recent episode of A Very Serious Conversation, Jake and I discuss the scene in Back to the Future in which Michael J. Fox’s character plays Chuck Berry’s Johnny B. Goode and is overheard by Chuck’s cousin Marvin.

Specifically, we try to assign authorship of the song, make accusations of racism and discuss time travel.

Other people, with even more time on their hands than me, have discussed this here.

How about you?  In the context of the movie Back to the Future, who do you think wrote the song?

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Post-Apocalyptic Nightmare Scenario

It was my turn to pick the topic and I’d been reading gloomy economic news.  So, in this most recent episode, Jake and I discuss what to do when we’re inevitable faced with a post-apocalyptic nightmare scenario like in Mad Max beyond Thunderdome, the movie within a movie in Strange Brew, Cormac Mccarthy’s the Road, the Iron Dream by Norman Spinrad, the Resident Evil movie that I saw last year or the California Love video.  It’s a subject we’ve touched on before but here we finally give it the attention it warrants.

I also go on the record as saying that I want to fight you if you listen to these and don’t ever leave comments or reviews on itunes.

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Misanthropic Blunder

It’s been a while, but Phil and I are finally back with a conversation about a movie that came out a month ago.

We recorded this episode immediately after seeing the (relatively-new) comedy Tropic Thunder. The next day, I left for Australia, which (combined with my purchase of a video game) helped to distract me from editing the thing. I apologize for the delay, but am encouraged by the fact that I think that the quality of this very entertaining episode might make up for it.

By the way, if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want anything to be spoiled, then you should wait till you have seen the movie (which I strongly recommend you do today) before listening to this podcast.

Much of the conversation centers around the performances by the actors, with generally positive reviews. I for one consider this to be some of the best work of a least a few of them. It features– in all or some parts– Jack Black playing a junkie, Ben Stiller playing a cross between Greg Focker & Zoolander playing a mentally handicapped person, Nick Nolte playing an actor playing Nick Nolte playing a Coast Guard vet playing a Vietnam vet, Tom Cruise (rather delightfully) playing an overbearing Hollywood film company exec, and Robert Downey, Jr. rising far above everyone (I mean everyone in the world) with his performance as an Australian actor playing a black dude playing an Asian.

At the end of the episode, we introduce a new point/counterpoint segment* in which we introduce a relevant subject and then flip a coin to decide who argues for and against it. This time, the subject was “Is Tropic Thunder an offensive film?” The result is a wild romp through such wacky topics as the use of the word “retard”, racist stereotypes, the use of blackface and anti-semitism.

One more thing… we’ve decided that we’re not going to record a conversation about a new movie until The Watchmen comes out next spring.

*Phil’s idea, and a good one.

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Für Stefan

I always find out second hand that a friend of a friend listens to A Very Serious Conversation and enjoys it or hates it or whatever.  We always say that we’ll give you what you want and as proof I give you our special episode for the mysterious and enigmatic Stefan.

Stefan lives in London and is a newlywed.  He’s said over and over again that he wants us to talk about Blade and deliver gossip about the porn industry.  Neither Jake nor I are Blade fans or residents of Chatsworth, California, but we got our friend Nick 1,000,000 to do some research.

subjects discussed include Blade, Wesley Snipes’ treatment of his sparring partners, vampire hunters in general, Underworld, Kris Kristofferson, Sticky Fingaz, Bird from the Wire, vampires from the future, techno fighting in movies, Mortal Kombat, Eva Angelina’s boyfriend, William H Macy in Boogie Nights, fiction vs reality, Amy Reid, Nancy Pelosi, DP7, raising the bar, the houses where they film pornos, Carmella Bing’s mortgage troubles, “fight actors” and criteria for movies.

So what about you?  Do you want us to talk about the 49ers chances of winning their division?  Give medical advice?  Have a slap fight?  Read poems to you?  Let us know and we’ll do it.

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George Carlin & Cuss Words

I have a long history of disliking the comedian George Carlin. When he died this June, I started feeling bad for all my years of malign towards him. I carried the guilt with me for a few weeks, until eventually I realized that the best way to deal with the heavy feeling of remorse was to work through it via the therapeutic process of recording a podcast with my friend Phil.

Like a true comrade, Phil was there for me. Extending his arm, he offered a hand and raised me out of the pit of despair in which I’d been languishing. Still clasping my hand, he accompanied me through the wilderness of self-doubt that surrounded the aforementioned pit. I mean these things literally, by the way, and think it should be made clear to the reader that Phil actually lifted my a-hundred-and-eighty-some-odd frame from the wilderness-ensconced pit– which was at least five feet in depth– using only one hand and with practically no help from my incoherent, blubbering self (I vaguely remember him utilizing his other hand to give me a thumbs-up as he lifted).

When we emerged from the wilderness, we recorded this podcast. After some tug-of-war regarding which of us was at the helm (that’s a figure of speech), we talked about Mr. Carlin’s history, his run-ins with the law and the Supreme Court case that resulted. Most of the discussion is actually about cuss words and the censorship thereof, with references to various cultural artifacts of late twentieth-century America. We round it off with a review of Comedy Central’s recently-published list of the best standup comedians of all time.

Questions we asked ourselves, which I’m now asking you to address in the comments (if you dare) include:

- Is censorship good for art?

and

- Can art damage culture?

It’s about 37 MINUTES in length. If you don’t like that, you can go to Hell. When you get there, give George my regards.

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Batman Talk

We all saw the new Batman movie and discussed it.  I don’t want to ruin it for you before listening but we all like it and agreed that it could cure blindness, that director Chris Nolan should get the key to the city and that Maggie G is pretty.  Jake and I were joined by our friends Nick One Million and Hot Rod.  The whole thing lasts less than a half an hour which means it’s a masterpiece of editing and brevity, while at the same time being exhaustive and totally long enough for Stefan.  The next one that I put up is the long awaited (by Stefan) all pornography industry gossip and Blade discussion, which we recorded at the same time.  It’ll feel like Wesley Snipes, Sticky Fingaz, Marv Wolfman and Gram Ponante are inside of your ear, I promise.

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Wall-E

Phil and I saw the new animated movie Wall-E, and really couldn’t find anything bad to say about it. So this conversation is more or less us gushing over the lovable little trash-compactor and the various characters he meets.

But it’s not limited to that. We spend quite a bit of time discussing the subject of art that accompanies the closing credits, which depicts the new world built by robots and humans working in unison. This involves a lot of speculation on our part, but serves for good conversation and probably enthralling listening. We also touch upon the themes and ideas presented by the story, as well as this movie’s place in the genre of films about endearing artificially-intelligent, otherworldly and/or anthropomorphic appliance characters.

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A Very Serious Conversation: Smash-tastic!

After much discussion, we decided to change the format of A Very Serious Conversation a bit. You’ll notice for example that we’re no longer numbering our episodes. Also, if things go as planned, podcasts will usually be closer to fifteen or thirty minutes in length rather than an hour. As always, be sure to comment below if you have any feelings (i.e., elation, disappointment, ennui) you’d like to share about the format or anything else.

Now on to the ener-du-tainment:

Phil and I saw the new Incredible Hulk movie a couple weeks back. I kind of had to twist his arm to get him to go and used the fact that I planned to review it in A Very Serious Conversation as a selling point. In this episode we discuss not only the film as well as comics & television show that inspired it. We also touch upon each of the primary actors, giving special attention to Liv Tyler (and even more attention to her father, who doesn’t appear in the movie at all). And, of course, we manage to work a little bit of time travel into the conversation.

By the way, the above art is from James Kolchaka’s short “Hulk vs. the Rain” comic strip. I used it without permission, but hopefully providing a link to his site will make up for that.

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#34 – Real Talk

Making these is fun, because I get to sit down to talk with a close friend of mine for an hour. If it works perfectly, you should feel like you are sitting in a room with me and Jake, only you’re bound and gagged and can’t talk and you have to listen to us hold forth. On the plus side, you can’t smell us and you can turn us off whenever you want and listen to In Our Time instead.

I thought this last one was fruitful like the bottom of yogurt. Jake and I had a little talk the other day about various subjects. We talked about blanks spots in our cultural literacy, Sea Wolf by Jack London, Robocop, time travel, whether things can be “so bad they’re good”, the new Indiana Jones and the nature of disappointment.

Please leave comments here. Jake is in charge of the podcast now, but I speak for us both when I say that we will do anything, bear any burden, ford any river, eat any breakfast, take any risk, feel any rush, sacrifice any goat and take any cake to cater to your merest whim, dear listener.

Would you like it to be in Spanish next time? Let us know. Would it be better if I was replaced by the ghost of my landlady? Tell us. Zany sound effects?  A particular song as our theme? Do you want us to do man on the street interviews?   We’re your servants, but you need to tell us what you want.

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AVSC #33 – Sheer Enerdutainment

They said it couldn’t be done; that nothing could surpass AVSC #32 in rad-blasting quality. Amazingly, we somehow pulled off this incredible feat with AVSC #33. This one has it all: conflict, comedy, revelation, politics, listener feedback, the debut of our new catchword “enerdutainment” (it’s like “edutainment” only more meaningful and edgier)… and that’s all in the first five minutes, before we even get to our main topic: The Upcoming Movies of 2008.

More specifically, we discuss the movies of 2008 that will be based on comic books, starting with a review of Iron Man annd progressing on through the new Hulk movie, the Hellboy & Batman sequels and an armload of other films adapted from the annals of sequential art (as them fancy-pantses call it up in their high-falutin universities).

Rest assured, true believers… clicking the play button below isn’t going to drag you into a realm of fan-boy fetishism and undecipherable geek-speak. On the contrary, we make every effort to explain to the uninitiated the characters, worlds and themes of the texts in question (thereby satisfying the “-du-” part of our new catchword). While we’re at it, we discuss such things as how Liv Tyler looks like an alien elf with fetal alcohol syndrome, our favorite Disney princesses, our concept for the movie Cop-Man 2: Terminal Intensity, Phil’s violent revenge fantasies about whoever stole his bicycle, and our former landlady (R.I.P.).

Somehow, we manage to get all this in without going over 1 HOUR in length.

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AVSC #32 – Future Nostalgia

This episode is the best one in maybe forever. It all started just as I was finishing my grueling fitness regimen. Jake and I discussed subjects as deep as Lake Titicaca and as broad as the Mississipi.

It was my turn to set the agenda so I took full advantage of it. At one point I offered to buy a copy of a book I like, The Tetherballs of Bougainville, for anyone who wants one. The offer stands, if you want a copy, email me at tetherballs at veryserious.org with your address and I’ll see that you get a copy. Jake tried to defend Clerks, but I wouldn’t have it. We also discussed New York, a Documentary Film and Ozymandias, by Percy Bysshe Shelley.

Generally speaking, we talked about what makes works of art age well or poorly and how our view of the past changes over time. Some questions that we attempted to answer were:

Where does taste comes from?
How selective are you?
What should be reassessed?
How influential was Beavis and Butthead?
Are you glad things you don’t like exist?
What works will be remembered from our era?

Please have a listen and let us know what you think.

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AVSC #31 – Countries, States & Cities

I was in charge of the program agenda for Conversation #31 and Phil was gracious enough to entertain my obsession with geography (and my obsession with lists), playing along as I counted down:

- The 5 Most Very Serious Countries

- The 5 Most Very Serious States

and

- The 5 Most Very Serious Cities*

Not to ruin the surprise, but we discussed Germany (Turkish lemonade, the Black Forest), Australia (the Kelly Gang, Kangaroo Jack), Canada (the CN Tower, the Hudson’s Bay Company), the United Kingdom (the English accent, colonialism) and the U.S. (the Mississippi River, freedom).

Next, we talked about Louisiana (boiled peanuts), Nevada (the Hooters Hotel & Casino), Illinois, New York and California. We closed out by briefly mentioning four uninteresting California cities and the best city in the world.

Throughout the episode, we constantly revisit the question of “Who is the Average American?”

It’s just under 55 MINUTES in length, which happens to be the exact length of your daily commute and/or exercise routine.

*Yes, “Most Very Serious” is a scientific classification. Analysis is based on figures for visitors to veryserious.org, accumulated using the most advanced and precise methodology. The validity of this analysis has been officially endorsed by both Science and The Internet.

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AVSC #30 – Board Games, Spiders & Tropical Adventures

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I accidentally plugged the microphone into the headphones jack before Phil & I started recording Conversation #30, so if the sound is a little shoddy you can blame it on me.

Our discussion starts with Phil’s list of Most Popular Board Games, assembled through a complex scientific methodology utilizing primarily the internet and his own nigh-infallible intuitive cognition. We go over the usual suspects: Clue, Battleship, Monopoly, Risk, chess and so forth. It includes Phil educating me about mancala games and instructing me on Dutch pastimes. We also briefly discuss his inability to comprehend the geography of Middle Earth, plus the French film Le Ballon Rouge (The Red Balloon) and our plans to remake it.

Next, Phil tells the story of the spider that crawled across his face the other morning, and then goes into a tirade about his ire towards all arachnids. Despite my use of both the “They’re Like Crips” and the “What About Charlotte’s Web?” defenses, he remains unmoved on the subject. Not to be outdone, I reveal to my recent telepathic shark attack.

The episode is rounded out as we taking turns describing our recent vacations, though I must admit that I take more time talking about country-road dances and jungle-trail cabbage patches in Jamaica than Phil does recalling helicopter rides over active volcanoes in Hawaii.

At just under 40 MINUTES, it’s an easy listen.

AVSC #29 Nader

Jake and I invited our friend Peter to be our guest. It was again a beautiful day and no day to be cooped up in our state-of-the-art recording facility with its expensive oak furniture, fully stocked bar, fireman’s pole and secret entrance. We argued for a while over the name of Carmen Sandiego’s barbershop quartet, which after some research we learned was “Rockapella”.

A listener wrote in and told us to watch the documentary Strong Enough to Break, which seems to be all about Hanson and the struggles they face post-mmmbop.

We then settled into some political talk, mostly about Nader’s run for president, who I have voted for in the past because I am a hippie. We analyzed his current platform and argued over whether it was always right to vote for who you most agree with.

One thing that I didn’t like was that part of Nader’s platform was to impeach Bush, which upset me because if Nader was president, Bush would no longer be president and so it would be impossible to impeach him. Is he suggesting that he would create a time machine to go back in time and impeach Bush? If he had a time machine, he should go back in time even further to stop Anwar Sadat from getting iced or stop the “ghost” episode of Magnum P.I. from happening.

We ruminated on the scepter-production industry, our country’s military budget, invisible planes like Wonder Woman’s and solar energy. We then discussed corporate crimes, Marlowe vs. Avon, banks and airlines being bailed out, laser trains and mars colonies.

I talked way too much in this one. Next time I am going to demand that we talk about something that jake knows more about than me so that I am not talking the whole time. Let us know what you think of it and get back to us.

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AVSC #28

We had our friend Adam as a guest expert on various subjects. It was a really beautiful day outside and we wanted to be out in it, but our devotion to this show kept us indoors for an hour. As always, click on the picture or here to listen.

As usual, we covered a wide and disparate set of topics. We discussed newspapers and the problems inherent in them, the future of news media and the suicide of Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh.

Since Jake and Adam both complain if I tell them even the smallest plot detail of a movie they haven’t seen, I wanted to talk about that with them. We discussed how I “ruined” Planet Earth for Jake, How a guy ruined Fight Club for Adam, How the ads on TV and the title of the movie ruined “Throw Momma From the Train” for me. I tried to ruin the news for them.

Our downstairs neighbor (and probably the smartest man in San Francisco) Moazzam Sheikh. has a book coming out next month. Jake and I argued for a bit about who was a better friend of his. I proposed my new idea for a book and this led into more talk about sampling vs plagiarizing vs fair use.

We talked a bit about Shakespeare remakes like Forbidden Planet and West Side Story (but somehow left out Strange Brew) and how they don’t have to clear anything with his estate. I talked about The Stars Tennis Balls as an homage to the Man in the Iron Mask, when in fact I meant the Count of Monte Cristo. We discussed NWA’s Express Yourself and Charles Wright’s and the song by the Killers that sounds like Bruce Springsteen.

We got into and bigger discussion about originality and creativity in general.

AVSC #27 – Best Movies of 2007

Our friend Thadd joined us for Conversation #27, in which we overview our favorite movies of last year.

The majority of time is spent counting-down and (more…)

AVSC #26

It was Jake’s turn to set the agenda. So we talked about subjects that caught his fancy. I cooperated as best I could and tried to hide my seething resentment for being forced to think about things that weren’t already on my mind.

We talked about the upcoming California presidential primary election, the measures for Indian casinos, sponsorship of our podcast, trash problems in Naples & the de-Italianification rays at Ellis Island.

We then got into our main topic, which was a list found by Jake of the most dangerous cities in America. I brought up the flawed methodologies and inconsistencies that make lists like this pointless, but it still worked as fodder for our conversation and led us to discuss Banana-Peel city, Razor Blade town, guys named “Cleveland”, American Apparel, Jake’s dance party at a gay bar in Memphis, Christine the evil car, St. Louis Blues fans in Hooters and the People-Mover in Detroit

As always click on the picture or here to listen.

AVSC #25 – Politics & Stuff

After a long holiday hiatus, Phil and I are finally back with A Very Serious Conversation #25.

We start with the Worst Dressed of 2008, the Corridor of Shame and some other subjects before moving onto the first course: Phil educating me on the 2008 presidential hopefuls. Topics include the difference between caucuses and primaries, Indian casinos, the Soviet Department of Giving Bread to You, and what Mitt Romney did in Paris during the 1960s (see the British film “Darling“). We also officially endorse Dennis “the Kooch” Kucinich as our choice for the Democratic primaries.

The second course– a bit smaller than the first– is a paean to The Wire with a side of the trade in cadavers.

For dessert, we offer a brief discussion of the male reproductive organs.

It’s about 45 MINUTES in length.

AVSC #24-1: questions (w/ Jason)

With Jason in attendance, we discussed Jason’s habit of storming out of the room during recording, then we discussed sex between characters on Happy Days. We also went over a question from the questions site, which dealt with book words.

As always, click here or on the pic to listen.

AVSC #23.3 – The Ocean (w/ Andy G.)

Andy G. is still hanging around as we wrap up Conversation #23 with a discussion about the ocean, focusing mainly on three topics: the horrifying Humboldt squid, the enormous Eastern Garbage Patch and the jarring jellyfish attack on a Northern Ireland salmon farm.

But, of course, that’s not all we talk about. Other touched-upon subjects include scientific advancements in the pre-Columbian Americas, the sinking U.S. Dollar, Andy’s continued defense of Italians, his band Darker My Love and more.

It’s just under 25 MINUTES in length.

Click on the jellyfish-attack picture to listen.

AVSC #23.2 – Questions: Lies & Money (w/ Andy G.)

We address a couple of Very Serious Questions with good buddy Andy G. in this conversation (after briefly touching upon a few other topics, such as Atlantis and Italians).

The first question (Question #167, to be exact) involves the lies that people tell their children. I start this bit by telling the story of when my sister tricked me into running away when I was very young. Next, we go over some other people’s answers, with subject matter ranging from serious scandal to misleading advertising to gravity waves and black holes. Also, Andy recounts the moment when he first realized that he doesn’t have a tail.

The second question– Question #178– asks us how we save money, and about interesting ways we’ve made money. In going over the answers, we discuss starvation-avoidance strategies, telemarketing, drug-dealing and more. We also manage to plug A Very Serious Picture and our message board (wow, I’m totally shameless).

This radblast is just under 30 MINUTES in length.

You can click on the picture of the gingerbread house to listen.

Conversation #23.1 – Listener Feedback (w/ Andy & Jason)

Click on John Travolta to listen.

Phil & I found out last week that our good friend Andy was upset that we haven’t invited him to guest-star on A Very Serious Conversation, so we made up for it by having him on Conversation #23. Our apartment-mate Jason is also around for the beginning of this segment, until I piss him off and he leaves.

Before getting to business, we play a quick game of Catchprase (aka “Bust It” aka “Busted”), which we thought might be interesting for the listener. Make sure to tell us if it worked.

We had quite a bit of listener feedback to go through, so we picked one response from each of the last few radblasts. Topics discussed include: Indian bones & tribal politics, the great exodus from Bemidji to Fargo, Phoebe & Ariel from A Very Serious Jaunt, the Seven Gates to Hell and more.

It’s about 20 MINUTES in length.

Again, click on the above pic of the greasy bo-hunk.

Conversation #22.3 – Germany and Venezuela

Click on the currywurst to listen.

We talked to Ryan and Sarah, who had both recently returned from abroad.

Ryan had been in Munich, and talks to us about what he saw. He explains wbat a glockenspiel is and contrasts Munich with his own neighborhood.

Sarah just returned from an extended stay in Venezuela during which she worked for the US government. She discusses Hugo Chavez, other famous Venezuelans, health care in Venezuela, the US ambassador to Venezuela and advice for travelling abroad.

We then talk about Willits, CA a bit before closing the show.

Conversation #22.2 – Questions (w/ Ryan & Sarah)

Click here or on the pic to listen. In this segment, Ryan, Sarah W, Jake and I discussed our favorite movies from when we were kids. We gave Sarah the a new name also.

I don’t want to ruin the surprise or anything so I won;t list the ones we talked about. I will say we discussed in particular whether the end of Radiers of the Lost Ark is a deux ex machina. Also we disagreed on the best part of Trading Places. Gay-Purree was mentioned but none of us had seen it. I also talked about my professor lecturing me about Gremlins 2: the new batch when I was in school.

Conversation #22.1 – Feedback & Questions (w/ Ryan & Sarah W.)

As always click on the picture or here to listen. We were joined in our studio by our friends Sarah W., and Ryan for the recording of #22. There is a mysterious humming sound at times, which I blame on Jake’s computer and Jake blames on my leaving the window open.

We discussed Ariel’s description of Jake, a principle that Jake learned from Phil and cleansing diets before we got into responding to our listeners.

Joe clarified the story behind hitting me in the face with a pie, and then brought up Jesus partying w/ dinosaurs. Other listeners discussed dead Indian remains and A Very Serious Jaunt. We also learned a new word: “expediate”.

Then we started discussing th questions. We debated whether wikipedia was trustworthy or not and the future of music and film. Jake made a grammatical error and I was accused of feeling too much joy at his shame.

We discussed possible replacements for our national anthem, problems w/ the current one. Then I closed the proceedings by rapping like Barney Rubble.

Conversation #21.3 – movies (w/ chon & tonio)

As always, click on the picture or here to listen.

We wrap up Conversation #21 by reviewing a few recently-released movies:

Michael Clayton
Topics focus a lot on actors & acting, ranging from their use of makeup to gender inequalities in the profession to our appreciation for those who can really “kick the realistics.”

We Own the Night
Discussion includes 1980s-era New York City, Polish people and an historical look at the portrayal of Russians in the media.

American Gangster
We talk about the portrayal of drug dealers in film, black actors & the Legion of Black Decency and the Disco Fox. We also return to the subject of gender issues in Hollywood.

This radblast is about 25 MINUTES in length. Chon and Tonio drop by the Hall of Heroes and join the conversation about halfway into it.

Oh, and be aware that we may reveal story details from these movies that you might not want to know about if you haven’t seen them yet (i.e. “SPOILER ALERT”).

Conversation 21.2 – questions (continued)

As always, click on the picture or here to listen.

Phil and I open this segment with some idle chit-chat about fireworks but soon find ourselves in an unplanned discussion of gender-specific words, which leads us into gender inequalities in general (and especially in sports & entertainment).

Then we move on to addressing a Very Serious Question: “Do you consider yourself brave?” Rumination on this topic and the answers supplied on the website (linked above) bring about such topics as transsexuals with tire-irons & “homo thugs”, standing up for oneself, hiding behind irony, cruelty in kids, sexism in the medical school that Phil’s dad attended, people who are rude to waiters and more.

It’s about 20 MINUTES in length.

Conversation 21.2 – questions (continued)

As always, click on the picture or here to listen.

Phil and I open this segment with some idle chit-chat about fireworks but soon find ourselves in an unplanned discussion of gender-specific words, which leads us into gender inequalities in general (and especially in sports & entertainment).

Then we move on to addressing a Very Serious Question: “Do you consider yourself brave?” Rumination on this topic and the answers supplied on the website (linked above) bring about such topics as transsexuals with tire-irons & “homo thugs”, standing up for oneself, hiding behind irony, cruelty in kids, sexism in the medical school that Phil’s dad attended, people who are rude to waiters and more.

It’s about 20 MINUTES in length.

Conversation 21.1 – feedback & questions (w/ Hadas)

As always, click on the picture or here to listen.

When our friend Hadas dropped by the Hall of Heroes to hang out and shoot some photos of your hosts, she was unwittingly dragged into the Situation Room to participate in the first part of Conversation #21.

It was a giving experience all around; we filled her in on the infamous Cheaper Than Cheaper sign up the street and she entrusted us with the secrets of her lifelong friend Michael the Pillow. Listener feedback also brought about such subjects as our friend (and occasional radblast-guest) Victor’s skin & hair products, as well as massively-multiplayer online video game Worlds of Warcraft.

We also reviewed the answers to a couple of Very Serious Questions, the first of which regards Russia and led us into discussion of identity-theft, Russian gangsters in movies, the hunkiness of Vladimir Putin, the relationship between nudity & power, the Very Serious Message Board and more.

The second question asked “who gets paid too much?” Answers– and our consideration of them– led to discussion of entertainment industry professionals & artists, professional athletes, waiters & bartenders, public servants, the downtrodden, and (pardon the redundancy) an assortment of criminals, agents & Irishmen. Points of interest include Phil’s dad’s refusal to see Batman the Movie and my cries of joy.

In case you’re wondering, it clocks in at just under 30 MINUTES in length.

Conversation 20.3 – general nonsense (w/victor and joe)

As always click on the picture or here to listen.

With Victor and Joe in attendance, we wrapped up our special edition of A Very Serious Conversation.

Topic included, but of course were not limited to, weird comics Joe and Victor read as kids, The Inhumanoids, Elfquest, the hollow Earth, Earth-Prime & Counter-Earth, Angela Lansbury, Agatha Christie, scuba porn, stock analysts and advice from dads.

Conversation 20.2 – questions (continued)

As always click on the picture or here to listen.

With Victor in our studio, we continued mulling over the responses to questions from the previous week. We talked about animal attacks, pigeon horror stories, the difference between animals & people and The Lion King.

Then we argued for a while over whether Professor X can control animals. Jake told a story about Englishmen bringing espionage charges against monkeys. Then I claimed victor was my heterosexual life-partner. We discussed Michael Vick, Halloween costumes, lumberjacks, sexual fantasies about Bram Stoker’s Dracula, cosplay, American McGee’s Alice, sexy/unsexy costumes and the Hamburgler.

Towards the end, Joe arrived. We greeted him and he told us to edit out the part where he ruins his relationship with his girlfriend.

Conversation 20.1 – feedback and questions

We were joined by Victor for the recording of conversation #20. As always you can click on the picture or here to listen. In this first segment we answer our listeners and then get into some of the answers to last week’s questions.

Subjects included, but were not limited to:

Victor’s friends’ opinions, surveying, jaunt.veryserious.org, “Seinfeld shit”, Waterworld, the “Sexual Frankenstein”, Children of Men, Brazil, Mad Max movies, Fifth Element, high-tech shaving technology, the Mission District in SF, Running Man, prisons, Idiocracy, the Double Hump, eugenics, Back to the Future 2, Sao Paolo’s advertising ban and Escape from New York.

Conversation #19.3 – Mexico

Our friend Jason’s family has a condo in Puerto Vallarta, and he invited some friends (including Phil and I) down for a vacation a couple weeks ago. We’d originally planned to record a radblast while in Mexico but that didn’t pan out, so we decided to make up for it by describing “the Mexican experience” in this conversation. And we invited Jason to join us.

As it turns out, recollecting what happened in Mexico isn’t as easy as we expected. But we do manage to remember a thing or two, including the set of the film Predator and jet-skiing in the ocean. The discussion wanders a lot, much of it for some reason concerning animals. Phil also tells a story about a guy he once worked for.

Length: ~23 minutes

Conversation #19.2 – Very Serious Questions

In the second segment of Conversation #19, Phil and I discuss recent questions and answers from A Very Serious Question. Topics include:

- Belief in Ghosts

- The World’s Best Cities

- Meditation and Relaxation

- Physical vs. Emotional Pain

During the segment, the “feelings-off” started in the previous one (below) rages on. No quarter is asked, and none given; horns lock as Phil and I each vie to outshine each other in compassion and empathy and the contest reaches a fever pitch towards the shocking climax.

In accordance with our new shorter-and-quicker radblast format, this bit is only about 30 minutes long. Stay tuned for the final segment, in which Jason joins us as we talk about our trip to Mexico.

Conversation #19.1 – Listener Feedback

With Conversation #19, we’re launching our new format. The AVSC “radblasts” from here on out will be shorter and released more frequently, as we’ll be splitting each conversation up into more bite-size and palatable bits.

So here’s the first part of Conversation #19, which contains the Listener Feedback section.

Items discussed include: Dungeons & Dragons, Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Real Dolls, our excellent child-rearing plans, religious wars, girls, science fiction movies and more. Also in this segment, Phil and I start a feelings-off that continues through the rest of Conversation #19.

This segment is about 30 minutes long. The following segments will be released as the week progresses.

Conversation #18

I’m posting this from airport in Phoenix. Since Phil and I (along with some friends) will be in Puerto Vallarta for the next week, we decided to record an over-sized episode to tide our listeners over until then. And it’s a long one at that, weighing in just under two hours.

Check it out here (or click on the above image).

The last half of the conversation features our friends Jason and Victor.

We start with our disagreements concerning Conversation #17, then go into some general discussion about the martyrdom competition in which Phil and I are engaged, the intelligence of our listeners, the Playboy bunny, places of worship and such.

Here’s a schedule of the rest of it, with the rough times of subject-changes and topics:

~00:07:00 – The Darjeeling Limited
Including discussion of: Wes Andersen movies, Phil’s film tastes viewing habits, keeping books after you’re done with them, Catch-22 (the book and the movie) & M*A*S*H* (the book, the movie and the TV show) and remaking books.

~00:19:00 – Listener Response
Including discussion of: Girls & pillows/stuffed animals, RoCos (& RoCoCos & RoCoCoCos), indoor plumbing (or a lack thereof) & toilets of the world, “fingerblast”, Italian cities, Phil getting attacked by a pigeon, terms of endearment for daughters, similarities between the films 3:10 to Yuma & High Noon, and the vinegaroon.

~00:40:00 – Jason and Victor Join the Fray

~00:43:00 – Extinction
Including discussion of: Various insects, unicorns, dinosaurs, the Humboldt squid, woolly mammoths, a story from Phil’s bike trip across the U.S., dodo birds, more on stuffed animals,and those prehistoric-looking deep-sea fish.

~00:52:00 – A Very Serious Question: Who are you better than?
Including discussion of: Bullies, rapists, chemists vs. physicists (& biologists), time travel and how super powers are acquired these days.

~00:58:00 – A Very Serious Question: Nicknames
Including discussion of: Various people’s self-applied, Victor’s clothes and girl’s boy-shorts.

~01:00:00 – A Very Serious Question: What are you looking forward to?
Including discussion of: The SF Aquarium, art, Providence RI, what I was like in high school, our friend Kami at motorcycle school in Florida and our upcoming trip to Mexico.

~01:05:00 – A Very Serious Question: Dream Home
Including discussion of: Switzerland, Phil’s creepy mystery house, the X-Men mansion, a train as a home, hobo stuff, Joe’s satellite station house, Jason’s sexing motions, anime archetypes and Pokemon.

~01:12:00 – A Very Serious Question: Birthplace
Including discussion of: Phil’s dad’s time as an Air Force doctor, conspiracy theories, the migrations Jake’s parents, Tomo’s dad’s cooking skills, jai halai, more about Kami, and Willits, CA.

~01:27:00 – A Very Serious Question: What are you afraid of?
Including discussion of: The Portuguese Man o’ War, Jake getting attacked be a tumbleweed as a child in Tucson, moths & Mothra, body odor, Japanese tentacle porn, polygamy in Utah, marriage/serial monogamy, the Evil Eye, Robert E. Howard and Philip K. Dick.

~01:43:00 – A Very Serious Question: Birthday Gifts
Including discussion of: Phil’s getting hit in the face with a pie and Tomo recieving a singing chicken telegram.

~01:47:00 – A Very Serious Question: First Kiss
Including discussion of: A girl you don’t know in the Niagara Falls area and our early “experiences” with girls.

Conversation #17

Conversation #17 (as always click on the picture or here to listen) comes with a disclaimer and a strong warning. The bulk of it is Jake and I discussing Dungeons and Dragons with our friends Ryan, Nick and Joe. It is not for the faint of heart. Still, it’s what we talked about this past Sunday.

The five of us have been talking about playing dungeons and dragons and this served as an informational meeting. You’ve been warned, so please don’t listen to this and then complain that it was all nerd talk. Please also note that as of today, we are going to start referring to this is a “radblast” instead of a “podcast”, for obvious reasons.

Subjects addressed included: Eastern Promises, David Cronenberg, Dungeons & Dragons, the “big four” of thrash metal: Metallica, Anthrax, Slayer and Megadeth, Kid’s Club in Santa Cruz, Phil’s discovery of his dad’s porn, Santa Clause DMs, Klingon & Elvish, +3 vorpal blades, non-player characters, the Player’s Handbook, half-orcs, half-elves, dwarves, gnomes, halflings, faerie-folk, Conan the Barbarian, “oriental adventures”, dystopian futures, bards, paladin, charisma, Cyclops and shambling mounds.

We also touched on Dire badgers, Beastmaster, druids, future primitives, psionics, Joe breaking his foot, Teddy Roosevelt, Groo, Othello, computer programmers, mages, magic missile, kobolds, magic potions, blinding light, rangers, Robin Hood, Wolverine, “feather not dot”, spell failure, sorcerers, capoeira, rogue, Han Solo, Captain America, Superman, Magneto, Dracula, Nazis.

Also explored were Charles Manson, Sabretooth, compatibility between campaign party members of conflicting alignment, a story about Joe doing drugs, Smith being a good person, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Juan from Dimwit Records and dice vs. electronic character generators.

Conversation #16 part two

In Part Two of our two-part “Conversation #16, Parts One & Two” series, Phil and I pin our conversation around two topics: the recent western film 3:10 to Yuma and a list we found of the Ten Deadliest Animals.

In discussing the film, starring Russell Crowe and Christian Bale (with a notable cameo by Luke Wilson), we spend a lot of time on the The Western as a film genre. We talk about aspects and themes of the genre, citing a number of movies (such as Cold Mountain, High Noon, The Outlaw Josie Wales, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, The Proposition, Open Range and the video game Gun). We frequently mention historical topics about which we’d like to see movies made. We also spend some time defending Russell Crowe the actor from those who get him confused with Russell Crowe the private individual.

The second section starts about 15 MINUTES in. I’m not going to reveal in this synopsis which animals are the ten deadliest. In fact, I’m not going to name those animals at all. But you might be able to deduce it by analyzing the following list of things also discussed: sex vacations & honey-scented condoms, coconut-caused casualties, Jaws 3-D, more on the subject of fighting off an Atlantean attack, dark other-dimensional Lovecraftian worlds, our friend Matt B.’s unfortunate experience in Mexico, Teddy Roosevelt, stereotypes about Native Americans, woolly mammoths & saber-toothed tigers, staring-down animals, aliens in movies, history books that are pinned on a specific commodity, the hot springs camping spot on Fish Rock Road in Mendocino County on the Louisiana-Pacific logging property, a job our friend Smith once had, the heroic exploits of Smith’s dad Johnny P., a scary story from my childhood, primitive understandings of menstruation, and more.

One tangent of particular note during the second topic involves Phil and I imagining a movie based on the song “The Highwayman” by the Highwaymen.

Click on above photo or here to check it out.

Conversation #16 part one

(As always click on the picture or, if something broke and you can’t see the picture, go here to listen.)

This one went very long and we didn’t know what to cut so we divided it into two parts, with the remainder to come later. I still put outtro music at the end of this half though cause otherwise you wouldn’t know it was over. I really enjoyed this conversation and would put up just this first half in a death match against any one we’ve done so far.

Jake was in Toronto for work and called me up. I’m going to warn you: we talked about comic books a bit at the start of this one, only for like a minute or so, so skip ahead a bit if you can’t take it. Then we argued about whether we should talk about comics and had our usual opinions. I think we cut out a good deal of comic book talk to make it palatable to the layman but we left in a bit of discussion of the Ultimate Universe vs. the “Real” Marvel universe. Then Jake talks about Toronto and we both imagine what Dubai is like.

At about the 5 minute mark we get into reader responses. This was very wide ranging, We talked about Ryan’s crybaggery, the culture war that Jake alleges is going on between him and the bad people, Indiana Jones 4 and our fear that since it takes place in the 50s it will be awash in 50s nostalgia, Phoebe’s tripe eating ethnicity, what Nick eats for breakfast, the evil eye, another trip to a karaoke bar in Manhattan, Joe’s erotic GI Joe Story, Italy & Switzerland & Missouri’s relative cleanliness, Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, Davy Crockett/Jim Bowie, the English language before standardized spelling, gaol, Great Expectations and making things happen by saying them three times.

At around the 25th minute we begin to address recent questions from the questions part of the website. This quickly brings us to the subject of the coming war with the speculating on a situation in which Atlantis attacks the surface world and we have to defend ourselves. It gets a little nuts like for example when we start talking about how he would outfit elephants with old fashioned diving gear to chase after the Atlanteans as they retreated. We of course address my invention a couple years ago of the tuna & onion ring sandwich, Tomo’s prowess at Asian-offs, home birth, preemies, minotaurs & centaurs, ticker-tape parades, The Hudsucker Proxy and a new ticker tape printer for text messages.

At the 42nd minute we address horrible jobs. We talk about a girl that portrayed Chuck E. Cheese, Hadas’ quitting story, the pear packing sheds in Ukiah and speculate more about Indiana Jones 4.

At the 57th minute we discuss peoples’ prized posessions. We address angel dust, the Dudley-Perkins Harley Davidson shop, the Oxford English Dictionary, Cropduster, the Squadron Supreme limited series, Mark Gruenwald, a guy who Phil worked with, Jim Shooter, Ultimate Power, Joe Martin. Again, this section has a bit of comic book talk in it so don’t say we didn’t warn you. At the very end you can tell we were just about to start talking about 3:10 to Yuma which we had both just seen, but that will have to wait for part two, coming soon.

Conversation #15

I was in New York City for a couple of days last week, so Phil & I were able to conduct this conversation in the actual physical presence of one another. Our friend Jason was also around, so he joined in to contribute in such ways as rudely telling us to shut up and that what we were saying was boring. Of course, I edited out such comments while keeping in the boring things we were saying.

The conversation is just under 1 1/2 hours in length. It’s kind of “all potatoes and no meat”: all recurring segments and no episode-specific discussion topics. But it’s us talking, which is hopefully all that really matters. It starts with the standard routine of Phil & I bickering with each other and whining about our personal needs. Also, I tell Phil about an experience that I had the previous night with Jason and our other friend Smith.

About 6 MINUTES in, we get start going over Listener Feedback from Conversations 13 & 14, during which Phil receives a phone call from his father. Topics in this segment include: women & adulthood, sharks, extreme reality shows, the Transformers movie, the evil eye, our friend Ryan’s measurements, our friend Peter’s upcoming relocation and our friend Natalie’s band Charlee Horse.

We then move on to some of the topics discussed on the A Very Serious Question page…

Inventions (starting at about 24 MINUTES), including discusson of:
what Ryan does on the internet all day, ancient civilizations of the Americas, our friend Reno “flipping” a Chevy Corsair, language & writing, imagination/storytelling/lying, the printing press, the Homeric tradition, clocks & time, indoor plumbing and women & pillows.

Childhood Fears (starting at about 46 MINUTES), including discusson of:
wolves, Bloody Mary, anti-monster spray, our friend Joe’s youth spent living on a commune, Jake’s time on a nudist colony as a child, Phil’s fear of aliens, a bunch of scary movies and scary things in general.

Teen Movies (starting at about 1 HOUR and 13 MINUTES), including discusson of:
the relationship between Dazed & Confused and American Graffiti, Cooley High, Bring It On, Clueless, The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, saturday school, Say Anything, Meatballs, and a shitload of other movies.

Click Victor’s shark-in-a-spacesuit picture (above) to listen.

Conversation #14

This most recent one went very well. It runs about an hour and fifteen minutes long. Click on the picture directly to the left of this text to hear it.

Our trusty sidekick Ryan again accompanied us. He and Jake compared San Francisco Cafes Ritual Coffee Roasting and Mission Creek Cafe to another. I wasn’t really paying attention to them during this part because I don’t drink coffee or live in San Francisco.

This led to a discussion of the Dept of Health and its biased treatment of different restaurants, Italian culture and food reviews.

We then tackled our listener responses, which led to further discussion of Luke G, Indiana Jones, the City of San Francisco’s Emergency Alert System and the bar and what needs to be done with it.

Then we discussed the list that Jake and I made of various search terms that brought people here. We discussed Sara Stone, conversational jujitsu, Mr. Bean, religion in Samoa and Sumatra, G.I. Joe erotic stories, Pokemon, Thor, cobras, Teddy Roosevelt, nay-saying, Orcas Island, when Phil met Ryan. Ryan brought up the pictures of Vladimir Putin shirtless.

We then reviewed the questions from questions.veryserious.org. We addressed various superstitions that people had, scaffolding, Peter’s “brain container”, the very serious boot camp scheduled for next month, atheism and what our listeners want to hear.

Conversation #13

Having done so many reasonable-length episodes lately, Phil & I really dug in with Conversation #13. It’s a ninety-five minute epic.

We start off with:

bickering about A Very Serious Question; dealing with my feelings; addressing Phil’s concerns about the quality of our content, me telling a couple of stories (one about coffee snobbery and the other about a dream I had involving a rat and my genitals), and some other stuff.

After about 15 MINUTES we address Listener Feedback, mainly concerning:

our friend (and last week’s guest) Ryan’s feelings, getting paid, and some other stuff.

At about 20 MINUTES in, we move on to our first topic, the new movie Superbad. This includes discussion of:

movie reviews in general, fraternal love, what girls think, the state of comedy, my grandma and some other stuff.

When that’s done– at about 35 MINUTES– we discuss a movie that Phil’s been trying to get me to watch for years, the classic comedy Sullivan’s Travels. It leads us to such topics as:

Veronica Lake, comedy and morality in classic Hollywood, the films of the Coen Brothers, socially-responsible movies, late-eighteenth & early-nineteenth century sexual mores in America, the wild sea, and some other stuff.

After roughly 55 MINUTES, I get to hear a story about Phil’s dad spilling Diet Coke on Phil’s bed, and Phil gets to hear two stories about defecation.

Just before 1 HOUR & 10 MINUTES we decide to go over responses for two recent A Very Serious Question topics, movies that make you cry and fantasy theme parks, and ramble on about such things as:

extreme reality television, fiction vs. non-fiction, sympathy for sharks, global warming, the Bible, usury, hippies and some other stuff.

Did I mention that we talk about some other stuff?

Conversation #12

Conversation #12 was difficult to make. Jake did most of the editing and, while he didn’t complain, it must have been especially hard this time around. Also, Jake had to go Ryan’s house and, because of the scheduling, my father (who was in town for a wedding) was in my tiny apartment distracting me. In addition, the various programs we use to make this work weren’t cooperating at all.

We talked about my dad & technology, used condoms, went over listener feedback and discussed Sir Reginald & the jousting tournament and Wile E. Coyote as Jesus Christ, in a comic by Grant Morrison.

Then we got to our main subject which was Jake’s least favorite movies. I had challenged Jake to name his least favorite films and he responded to the best of his ability. Ryan, Jake’s host, also weighed in on Jake’s choices and contributed his magnificent countenance and unparalleled counsel. We wrapped it up with some discussion of Turbonazis, fodder and time travel.

Conversation #11

My house-mate Jason and Conversation #8 guest-star Nick are around in my apartment for most this conversation. Jason even contributes a bit.

It’s just under an hour in length, starting with some talk about:

the Marin headlands, me quitting smoking, crucifixion and Passion of the Christ.

But we get to business pretty quickly, starting with the podcast’s recurring segment addressing:

Listener Feedback which includes discussion of:
the Brood (from X-Men comics), the American Everyman, our Minnesota listeners and the “Jake folder.”

About 16 minutes into the podcast we move on to the first subject, a new movie that we both saw:

Rescue Dawn including discussion of:
people who talk during movies, my overestimation of actors & movies, my trip to Sumatra and racially-segregated movies.

Next– at about the 32-minute mark– we switch to our second topic:

The Flier that Jason Found including discussion of:
Nick, The Savage Sword of Conan and young Asian girls (it’s not what you think).

Just after 39 minutes into it, we start discussion of :

The New Deal including discussion of:
a couple of Roosevelts, the Works Progress Administration, the Tennessee Valley Authority, the Civilian Conservation Corps, Dorothea Lange, social realism in rap videos, big government & openly-socialist ideas in American life, the nation’s infrastructure and our time-travel fantasies.

Conversation #10

Jake and I kept this one shorter, which is what I prefer. About 1/3 of the way through my father (who’s in town visiting me) makes a cameo appearance.

We talk about solipsism, Star Trek, Fort Bragg and Jake’s plan to quit smoking before getting into the listener responses. The listener responses lead us to revisit our argument about cursing. We deal with eating pigeons, Flashdance, The Departed, Infernal Affairs, Lighthouse by William Monahan, Andrew “Dice” Clay, Jake’s teenage shoplifting career, kid’s comics, Sectaurs, Amethyst & She-Ra, Masters of the Universe, Indiana Jones movies, Phil’s subject-changing, our listeners in Minnesota or Wisconsin, Nikki & her dog, animals in space-suits and our friends Victor, Pete G and Luke G.

With the niceties out of the way we get down to brass tacks and discuss Christmas movies, since it’s the middle of the summer. We discuss Die Hard, Jingle All the Way, Bad Santa, Trading Places, Jamie Lee Curtis popping her top, Scrooged, Michael O’Donoghue, Buster Poindexter, A Christmas Carol re-makes, Bobcat Goldthwait, Blow, Richard Donner, It’s A Wonderful Life, Jimmy Stewart, A Christmas Story, A Charlie Brown Christmas, The Wonder Years.

Finally we wrap things up by criticizing our friend Ryan a little bit, making predictions for next week and reminiscing about Jake’s childhood neighbors.

Conversation #9

I asked Phil to let me try my hand at posting the announcement for Conversation #9 so I could satisfy my hunger to format things. The lack of bold print, italics and different-sized fonts in these announcements has been driving me crazy.

This one is much shorter than the previous couple of episodes. It starts with mention of:

Angels, the Rainbow Bridge of Asgard, Valkyries, frost giants, quotation marks, irony, sarcasm, Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, Batman #666, Grant Morrison, Batman Begins, the Batmobile, our friend Ching, blackface, Hansen, Burning Man, tall bikes and Phil’s dad.

Before moving onto our main topics:

Listener Feedback including discussion of:
Punching yourself in the face, our friend Nick Galli, friends vs. strangers, Mister Rogers, talking about religion, cuss words, Overboard the movie, flipping off little kids, Eddie Murphy, Bill Cosby, Jake’s grandma, Phil being a weak city-boy ninny, Jake being a rugged frontiersman, eating honey that has insects in it, our friend Joe Martin, making cornbread, Phil riding his bicycle across the USA, sleeping in a ditch, our friend Jon Phillips, big birds, Phil’s sister, Ratatouille, capybara, Roc, Sinbad the Sailor, 1984 by George Orwell, pussy, ravens, coyotes, and featherless chickens.

Our First R-rated Movies including discussion of: Conan the Barbarian, Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, watching movies multiple times, masturbation, Jake’s trip to New York, Jake’s eating habits, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Beverly Hills Cops, Phil’s mom, Martin Lawrence, hatefulness in comedians, evolution and Jake’s mom.

Special thanks to Luke for the alligator graphic and to Pete G. for the sound engineering assistance.

Conversation #8

We were joined by our special guest star Nick Galli for our 8th installment. We responded to listener feedback and discussed the meaning of life, Overboard and the relative merits of Birds vs. Rodents. Having said that, it only seems fair to admit that we tend to get off topic. For your benefit we’ve made an index of all the subjects we addressed, in order:

Listener feedback, Hot Boyz, Superman, hot dog lovers, Boba Fett, Slave 1, killing yourself, punching yourself in the face, My Little Pony, G.I. Joe, toys, emotional projection, shoplifting, trying children as adults, Ukiah, the Porno Fairy, mind bottling, homeopathic medicine, bird-hater heaven & bird-lover heaven, proving your humanity to the internet, the rez, Smith Puget, China, the death penalty, depraved indifference to human life, praved difference to human life, the Food & Drug Administration, San Quentin Prison, gas chamber green, naming Phil’s & Nick’s unborn children, Michael Vick, dog-fighting, Jay-Z, bad behavior of athletes, DMX, pit bulls, gladiators, public executions, Puritanism, FOX Television, France, The Stranger by Albert Camus, Theodore Roosevelt, usage of quotation marks, irony, frats, bizarre rituals, Delta Force, Mega Force, Chuck Norris, Lee Marvin, Barry Bostwick, Road Warrior, Troma Films, the meaning of life, City Slickers, Jack Palance, Billy Crystal, Chaos Theory, religion, personal responsibility, reproduction, cop-outs, the Japanese, kamikaze, heroism, martyrdom, comic books, the limitations of language, sacrifice, Semites, public schoolteachers, middle-class white American guilt, when Phil runs for Congress, Back to the Future II, Smokey & the Bandit 3: Smokey Is the Bandit, Rad the movie, The Temple of Doom, Gremlins 2, Yahoo Serious, Young Einstein, Overboard, Gary Marshall, Leslie Dixon, Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell, Taming of the Shrew, woman’s servitude to man, gender roles, the class struggle, Trading Places, Dorothea Lange, imdb.com, social realism, Mendocino CA, Fort Bragg CA, the Dust Bowl, Sullivan’s Travels, Down and Out in Beverly Hills, Phil’s girlfriend, Phil’s sister, Boudu Saved from Drowning, Jean Renoir, Soldier, Blade Runner, Philip K. Dick, Ukiah CA, Venture Brothers, cherry season, Seinfeld, The Departed, Jack Nicholson, Martin Sheen, Leo D., Mark Wahlberg, The Simpsons, rodents vs. birds, squirrels, pigeons, rats, mice, Phil’s food, doves, differences between white people & black people, man’s friends and enemies, Vienna, seagulls, ducks, parrots, chickens, reptiles, amphibians, Ratatouille, ravens, geese, Clement Street in SF, Nick’s dad, swans, Mother Goose, the SF Exploratorium, parakeet, Santa Cruz CA, the Monterey Bay, Birds the movie, eating pigeons

As always, we welcome any comments or criticisms. If you can draw any of these subjects, send us pictures. If you are an expert on something, let us know so we can interview you.

Conversation #7 – Special Edition – part II

In part 2 we discussed Colombia, the Suez Canal, Howard Zinn, the Rio Grande, the Great Salt Lake, the Dust Bowl, United Fruit Company, Dole, malaria, mosquitos, universal health care, Jake’s grandma, Holland, the Continental Divide, skateboarding, buffalo hunting, Oakland CA, iTunes, Ross Perot, Donald Bloomberg, Bill Clinton, John McCain, phonetic spelling, Andrew Carnegie, Joe Martin, Michael Moore, Iraq, trust-busting, Yellow Stone, Old Faithful, Teddy Bears, conservationism, Deer Hunter video game, Shibuya, Taft, Starbucks, Woodrow Wilson, Bull Moose Party, Milwaukee, Chicago, Germans, Kermit the Frog, South America, the telegraph, Brazil, Scribner’s, Argentina, Portuguese, the Amazon River, Anaconda (the movie), Ice Cube, J. Lo, narrative evaluations, cannibals, UC Santa Cruz, Reed College, drum circles, Mount Rushmore, Martin Luther King Jr., Muhammed Ali, Sam from Cheers, Keith David, Mount Rushmore

Conversation #7 – Special Edition

A Teddy Roosevelt expert, Phoebe, joined us for our special all TR edition.

Mostly we talked about Theodore Roosevelt, but we also discussed Nicknames, New York Museum of Natural History, Old Money, Holland, the Dutch, asthma, air quality, child-rearing, bullies, high school football, Microsoft Excel, ball-offs, Long Island, Rough Riders, Teddy Roosevelt, Harvard, boxing, police corruption, dandies, 4 dogs vs. a bear, Duke lacrosse team, prostitutes, 30 Thai midgets vs. a lion, Jack the Ripper, Syracuse, King of Queens, Adam Sandler, Patton Oswald, nepotism, George W. Bush, FEMA, graft, NYPD, the Irish, Catholics, the Pope, pornography, the Vatican, Italians, Protestants, Romans, pagans, Dominicans, Jesuits, University of San Francisco, evolution, lasers, jetpacks, clones, light sabers, Albany NY, typhoid, pegusii, childbirth, the Bully Pulpit, Theodore Roosevelt: An Autobiography by Theodore Roosevelt, the Dakota Badlands, single fathers, cowboys, Deadwood, Smith Puget, ne’er-do-wells, War & Peace by Leo Tolstoy, cowboy literature, dimestore novels, poetry, jerky snuff, teetotalers, Willits CA, Mendocino CA, Indian reservations, Chinese immigrants, the closing of the range, barbed wire, Barb Wire, Pamela Anderson, ass-wiping preferences, moth wings, Seward, Alaska, U.S. military forces, the Spanish-American War, U.S.S. Maine, Cuba, Vietnam, Guantanamo, William Randolph Hearst, Spain, Phillipines, Guam, The A-Team, The Dirty Dozen, jujitsu, San Juan Hill, The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by Edmund Morris, Theodore Rex by Edmund Morris, Iwo Jima, the Great White Fleet, Japan, Republicans, the Civil War, Democrats, Progressives, Tammany Hall, suffrage, Ku Klux Klan, the U.S. Senate, Birth of a Nation, W.D. Griffith, good vs. evil, William McKinley, Leon Czolgosz, anarchy, Haymarket Square, Lee Harvey Oswald, American imperialism, Russo-Japanese War, Buddhism, Sea of Japan, Bering Sea, kamikaze, Pokemon, palindromes, Panama Canal

Conversation #6

I lost my voice but my sense of duty compelled me to talk with jake anyways, cause he was in town, topics include:

fan bet, vanity vs greed, talking about friends, joe martin, sam spade, dashiell hammett, optimus prime, masturbation, universal ideas, peter, sharks, calling friends at work, talking about sports, the baseball hall of fame, phil’s genealogy, karaoke, electrocution, ratatouille, making it rain, g-rated movies, crying in movies, crocodile tears, pigeons, pigeon time travel repatriation, doves, palomas, the head’s of the characters in the movie, how to not cry in movies, crying in previews, whinnying in spider man 2, suge knight, have gun will travel and tales to astonish by ronin ro, live from new york, water taxi, kite flying, jealousy, smith puget, scum blast, heaven, hitler’s punishment for sneaking into heaven, roommates in heaven, reveille, harp practice, alfred e neuman, obnoxio the clown, cracked magazine, forbush man, my sister’s baby, connection with the universe, hazing, mark twain, mark twain’s heaven, salty stories, frog racing contests, china, death penalty, mao, great leap forward, FDA, fat cats, do the ends justify the means, planet of the apes, violence vs nonviolence, gandhi, munich, israel, critical mass, san francisco bike coalition, necessity of a lunatic fringe, hamas vs fatah, my afterlife vs jake’s afterlife, justification for extremism, peace, an arab gandhi, feedback, fiction vs nonfiction, superbad and lyndon johnson in the senate.

Conversation #5

In an especially long conversation, Jake and I discuss listener feedback, playboy magazine, muriel hemingway, transformers, gobots, my little pony, tyrese, john singleton, holes, GI joe, die hard, moonlighting, sam malone, jake literally defends horseshit, Yahoo! Go, iphone, frick mansion, baxter building, four freedoms plaza, graymalkin lane, rochester’s subway, teens drinking, gin and milk, tampico citrus punch, sicko, advice for michael moore, blood diamond, diamonds are forever, hydra, the system, san francisco, florida’s literacy rate, mexican food in NYC, frederick olmsted, the old men from the muppets, jason mann, erotic thriller titles, it’s it, sunrises, an angry gorilla, berlin zoo, knut, cheetah mating habits, fish in the amazon, teddy roosevelt, piranhas, penis mutilation, influence 13, miguel cervantes, crocodile dundee, pit bulls, dalmatians, thor, volstagg, mjolnir, walt simonson, atheism, david copperfield, superman, bizarro, zibarro, bizarro ryan, dwayne “the rock” johnson, conan, superbad preview, chris penn, andy samberg and the mysterious preview.

We really don’t want the conversation to be this long, and would like to know what interested you and what bored you. Please comment and tell us the three segments you found most boring so that we have some idea what we should cut out next time.

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Conversation #4

Jake and Phil discuss shark jesus, baby alligator, turtle shells, tom cruise, comparative religion, donovan baddley fighting a mountain lion, presidential candidates. teddy roosevelt, shark thor r. kelly, murder she wrote, mongoose vs cobra, hulk vs thor, google vs yahoo, Yahoo! go, fantastic four movie, die hard 4 trailer, underdog trailer, immigration, future Victor, hank jr. and johnny p. If you aren’t interested in any of those things, I’m not interested in you.

Listen to it.

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Conversation #3

Jake and Phil argue and talk about various topics.

Listen to it.

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