These are answers to things real people searched for on google that led them here.  If they ever come back, their answers are here waiting for them.

Q: Do you have any flat-top stories about Puerto Rican barbers?

A: Right before leaving NYC on a long bicycle trip I helped my friend Alexa move into her apartment. I felt the need to get a haircut and since I was in Bushwick and not Queens I couldn’t go to a black, Russian or Bangladeshi barber like I usually did so I went to a Puerto Rican barber. There were sexy pictures of J.Lo on the wall which distracted me from what was being done to my head. He gave me the dreaded champiñon “mushroom cut”, which looks OK on Puerto Ricans but not on me cause I have a big round head.

The barber was physically unable to give any haircuts that didn’t look like that.  A couple days later I ended up just getting in touch with my Cubano side and shaving my head like Pit Bull with the Wahl clippers.

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By looking through the search terms that bring people to veryserious.org we can find out what people really want to know.  Here are some of the questions and searches by real people this week, answered by me.

Q: What does prisencolinensinainciusol mean?

A: “Universal Love”

Q: What are brokencyde shoes?

A: These,  order now to make sure they are under the tree by Christmas.

Q: What is the term for getting a blow job while taking a shit? (more…)