By looking through the search terms that bring people to veryserious.org we can find out what people really want to know.  Here are some of the questions and searches by real people this week, answered by me.

Q: What does prisencolinensinainciusol mean?

A: “Universal Love”

Q: What are brokencyde shoes?

A: These,  order now to make sure they are under the tree by Christmas.

Q: What is the term for getting a blow job while taking a shit?

A: This is why we need an urban thesaurus. My dear old English teacher in grade school taught us that this was called a “blumpkin” but there regional variations and by now that term is probably considered archaic.

Q: Are Brokencyde serious?

A: I think answering this requires a level of semiotics that I’m just not at yet.  I think the jury is out on this one because we don’t have enough evidence to judge and also because “serious” and “not serious” are not the only options.  I think a better question might be “How serious are Brokencyde?” but even that is impossible to answer.  I doubt they’re serious in the sense that Bono is serious but it’s unclear what level of irony they’re capable of grasping.

Q: How do you flip your boner into your sweatpants?

A: It’s pretty simple: Assuming you are wearing the sweatpants in question, you just use the elastic waistband to restrain your throbbing member so that none of the other jurors will look askance at you.

Q: What do you think of the McCulloch MC-1275 Heavy-Duty Steam Cleaner?

A: I feel I answered this pretty well already.

Q: Where can I find a barber shop haircut chart?

A: This is a perennial classic, the all time most popular search term here.  You can find what you’re looking for here.

Q: What are some serious stripper names?

A: I think a good idea that I stole from Adam Carolla is for a stripper to have a stripper name that sounds like a real girl’s name such as Elizabeth or Nancy.  Then when the guy at the strip club asks them their name they can be like “Jasmine, but I feel like i can really trust you so I’ll tell you my real name which is Rhonda” when in reality her real name is Margaret.

I think for strippers choosing a name they should play it safe and use one of the ones from this list.

Q: What is the skinhead look?

A: This is when you cut your hair cropped short and wear a polo shirt of some kind.  Since I live in the US, it’s a look I can’t pull off without looking like a white supremacist.  There was some discussion of it here and an excellent piece by the BBC about it here.  Also there are a number of searches for skinhead look girls, which I figure is people looking for mod-type girls with Chelsea bash-type haircuts like these and these.

Q: Where can I get some ‘my child is an honor student’ sweatpants?

A: You disgust me.

Q: What does baby charmander look like?

A: Like this.

Q: When did King Leopold lose his colony?

A: I read a book about this and summarized it here.  The short answer is that the Belgian government took over the Congo from Leopold in 1908, the year before he died.

Q: Is Kurt Warner racist.

A: Probably not.  If he was openly racist, he would throw the ball only to white receivers instead of whoever was most open, this would have derailed his quarterbacking career before it started.  He might be racist inside of his mind or but there’s nothing we can see from looking at his career in the NFL that suggests hidden racism.

Q: Can semen cause “pipe damage”?

A: This picture, which I can’t tell if it’s real or not, implies that it can.  Yahoo answers is inconclusive.  What do you think, world?

Q: Should guys wear sweat pants at a friends house?

A:  It depends on the friend.  If the friend lives inside of a gym, maybe.

Q: What’s the meaning of waterfalls by TLC?

A: I think the central message is, “don’t be ambitious”, but there are many opinions.

If any of you think I answered any questions wrong or left something out, please correct me in the comments.