→ 10 answers so far ↓

• 1 greg // Nov 11, 2009 at 5:58 am

  The ghetto heaven is the 2nd and 3rd verses of ‘juicy’ and the last 2 seasons of Cosby show, when Pam comes to live in huxtable manor, and the last scene in scarface, except the gets that guy lurking with the shotgun.

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• 2 phil // Nov 11, 2009 at 9:13 am

  I think Heaven has no class distinctions and Hell doesn’t exist. Jake and I figured it out: When you get to heaven you’re given a randomly assigned roommate and you live in a suite with maybe 4 others, like at college. You live there for a few years until you can find roommates you like, then you move into a nearby house together. Everyone is there, not just good people, so you might end up as Jeffrey Dahmer’s roommate. Also since 1/3 of the people there are Chinese you better learn Chinese.

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• 3 Joe // Nov 11, 2009 at 10:19 am

  That Doesnt make sense Phil. What does God do with all of the Jews?

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• 4 phil // Nov 11, 2009 at 10:22 am

  Jews like me and you get to heaven Joe, but we’re punished for our misdeeds by being forced to eat pork chops and bacon.

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• 5 jon // Nov 11, 2009 at 11:05 am

  I’m going to skip past the ghetto question and go straight for the country estates in hell. It will be exactly like San Ramon,Danville, Los Gatos, Del Mar, Calabassis etc.. Boring lifeless full of Jamba Juices and workout pants wearing errand running soccer moms.

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• 6 jason // Nov 11, 2009 at 11:28 am

  @phil: your description of heaven sounds a lot like the c4 house.

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• 7 phil // Nov 11, 2009 at 11:29 am

  Yes it’s similar but cleaner.

  Joe I thought about it a bit more and i might want to change my answer.

  The bible tell us that the first will be the last and the last will be the first (Matthew 20:16) and that it’s as hard for a rich man to get into heaven as it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle (Matthew 19:24).

  Based on scriptural analysis I think that all of heaven is high density housing, zoned for commercial on the ground floors, with small parks, like Clement st. in San Francisco or Steinway st. in Queens.

  I think rich people can get to heaven (especially because you could breed tiny camels or make big needles), but they don’t stay rich there and they’re broken of their bourgeois counter-revolutionary ways, in that way all of heaven is sort of like the reeducation camp in the Last Emperor.

  The shit they have in heaven in “the family circus” where it’s mansions and there are golf courses is totally wrong, there are very few golf courses because of space and water issues and the wait for tee times is really long.

  ps while writing this I came across this question.

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• 8 jason // Nov 11, 2009 at 11:35 am

  oh, you mean c4 the day after you moved?

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• 9 donovan // Nov 11, 2009 at 12:09 pm

  Phil, you can’t golf in heaven at all! You would lose your ball every time in the cloud hazard.

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• 10 hadas // Nov 20, 2009 at 6:22 am

  I wonder if heaven got a ghetto

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