phil has elevated the game like Mile High Stadium with 12 comments.
beth is in Striking Distance like Bruce Willis & boats with 11.
Joe is in your face like your own skull with 8.
Tiffany! has the capabilities to pay the utilities with 8.
prof. fancy pants just wants 
DirtyDanSin has 4 and is on fire like a pile of tires.
jon has 3 comments and is kicked back like italics.
Stace has 2 & needs work like me before I got hired.When is it appropriate to wear sweat pants?
BONUS: Other than the above, what personal dress code do you adhere to? (I almost said “rules for dressing” instead of “dress code” but I knew that Joe would answer “If it’s not ranch, send it back!”)
Question #761 Sweat Pants
posted November 5th by phil
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→ 58 answers so far ↓
1
jon
// Nov 5, 2009 at 11:26 am
Never
2
peteg
// Nov 5, 2009 at 12:31 pm
When also wearing a 3/4 length leather jacket with a tucked in tshirt underneath
3
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 12:41 pm
When you are at a strip club or wedding.
4
Tiffany!
// Nov 5, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Never. I include in the “sweats” category: velour warm-up suits, and I take personal offense to the sweats that have elastic ankles.
The most heinous offenders wear sweats and cross trainers while doing their daily “workout” of grocery shopping, sipping coffee at Starbucks, and lunching at out door cafes (with their hair pulled up in a stylized way that says “I just woke up like this… and this full face of makeup”).
If people wore sweats to do “sweaty”activities, I would probably not object. However, I workout a bit and I haven’t owned “sweats” since I was in junior high and I had a PE uniform at Daniel Webster Middle School.
There are much more attractive workout and lounge attire out there, and for christsake if you want to be comfy when you are running errands, please just put some jeans on.
5
sarah
// Nov 5, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I would say never, but I can think of a few moments that would warrant exception. First, let’s rundown the definition of “sweat pants”: (1) Traditional Elastic-Ankle Sweats: Your dad probably has at least eleven pairs of these and they were all purchased at Sears; (2) College Elastic-Ankle Sweats: You purchased these from the campus bookstore and proceeded to cut the elastic out of the ankle so you wouldn’t look like such a bag of dicks showing up ten minutes late to your Psychology and Religion lecture eating dining hall tater tots out of a recycled-paper napkin; (3) “Fashion” Sweats: anything that is made out of velour or including clumsily euphemistic/straight-up sexual phrases festooned upon the ass area; (4) Gym Sweats: any microfiber garment designed for sweatin’ it to the oldies but usually just worn when all your traditional sweats stink.
Now that we’ve defined the four categories of sweats, let’s explore situations in which they could possibly be proper attire. Oh, wait. There’s only one. WHEN YOU GET DUMPED AND WANT TO DO NOTHING BUT WEAR THE MOST UNFLATTERING ITEM OF CLOTHING EVER INVENTED AND EAT TEAR-SOAKED GOLDFISH CRACKERS AND MAKE ILL-ADVISED PHONE CALLS TO YOUR HIGH SCHOOL BOYFRIEND.
That is all. Have a nice day.
6
beth
// Nov 5, 2009 at 1:02 pm
@ Sarah! HAHAHA! I love it. All of it is so true. Thank you.
7
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I think tear soaked Combos are better than tear soaked Goldfish cause they don’t get as soggy.
8
sarah
// Nov 5, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Thank you, Beth.
Also, my younger sister once owned a pair of Gap Kids lounge pants that became so stretched-out, mis-shapen and short from repeated washings that I dubbed them “The Ali Baba Pants”. They were pretty much the worst thing you’ve ever seen and she used to chase me around the house doing a creepy snake-charmer dance to one of the songs from Aladdin.
9
sarah
// Nov 5, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Oh, and if you are seen in public wearing any of the above-mentioned sweats with *Crocs*, you will be sent to Guantanamo Bay where they will torture you with blaring mediocre pop music from 2001 and then shoot you like the goddamn America-hater you are. I called Obama and had him re-open Guantanamo Bay for just this purpose.
10
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Sarah, you know about how George W. Bush wore Crocs WHILE IN OFFICE?
http://shoeblogs.com/2007/06/12/impeach-him/
Anyone wearing Crocs should get run over by a PT cruiser. Except my mother of course.
11
Tiffany!
// Nov 5, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Thanks, Phil! I was looking for more reasons to <3 him.
I think that running over of crocs-wearers should probably be in a luxury suv as it befits the wearer. The fleet of vigilante mercedes suvs would also take out Eskihos (warm weather mini-skirt and Uggs wearers)
12
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 2:04 pm
You know when you can wear sweatpants? When you are training for a boxing match:
http://www.millionaireplayboy.com/mpb/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/rocky2.jpg
I think the root of the “fashion sweatpants” problem goes back to the movie “love story” cause I think there’s a scene where they play touch football in sweatpants. Rapper Drake does nothing to improve the situation when he claims that his girl looks prettiest in sweatpants.
13
sarah
// Nov 5, 2009 at 2:16 pm
@Phil: Sweats are acceptable while training for a boxing match, but they must be strategically cut off to display one’s bulging muscles.
You know when it’s not acceptable to wear cut off sweats? When you’re Bill Belichick: http://i2.cdn.turner.com/si/2008/football/nfl/specials/draft/2008/04/20/lombardi.belichick/t2.belichick.si.jpg
What an asshole, right?
14
Tiffany!
// Nov 5, 2009 at 2:17 pm
a bit behind on the thread, but why would Sarah eat combos? They look way too much like Snausages. Proof here: http://www.snausages.com/img/snack-shack/treat-inablanket-imgs.jpg
Even the flavors sound like something that Combos would have done.
Perhaps it is best, while in sweats to cry over Screaming Yellow Zonkers, or Bugels (as their conical shape could catch your tears).
15
sarah
// Nov 5, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I think I had Combos once and they tasted like the inside of a can of tomato paste.
16
jason
// Nov 5, 2009 at 3:23 pm
guys, always wear sweat pants to strip clubs. you’ll save hella money.
17
jake
// Nov 5, 2009 at 3:35 pm
When nothing else will fit.
18
Sarah
// Nov 5, 2009 at 3:37 pm
@Jason: Now I’m not a dude, but I have been to a few strip clubs. I would think that sweat pants are perhaps the most embarrasing lower-half garments to get a boner in, besides tighty-whities. But I don’t think they let you into strip clubs without pants on. In fact, my ex-boyfriend (the one who just DUMPED me), is planning on hosting a Viagra and Sweat Pants party in the near future. It is exactly what it sounds like. Like Night Crawlers.
19
linas
// Nov 5, 2009 at 3:40 pm
like jake said, also personal dress code:
no flip flops unless at the beach, i mean come on there’s casual and then there’s retarded
20
eddie k
// Nov 5, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Ugh. I haven’t worn sweat pants since I was in the first grade. I wont even wear them to sleep. Yuuuuck.
21
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 3:05 pm
I agree with you about flip flops. Also no shorts unless you are in the tropics or doing something you can’t do in pants or you have to for school like these kids:
http://www.ac-nancy-metz.fr/enseign/anglais/Henry/tradcostume.jpg
22
jake
// Nov 5, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Other personal dress code: No old-timey hats unless you’re over 60 years old.
23
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Relevance!
http://www.usatoday.com/travel/flights/item.aspx?type=blog&ak=620001025.blog
24
jon
// Nov 5, 2009 at 3:48 pm
@ phil He should be ashamed for using miles to upgrade on such a short flight. That is like an hour flight. Who needs to upgrade for an hour? That’s just big timing.
personal dress code: Don’t get bummed when people say you are dressed like your friends. You probably are.
25
ryanb
// Nov 5, 2009 at 4:08 pm
“Also no shorts unless you are in the tropics or doing something you can’t do in pants”
Please defend this argument.
26
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 4:17 pm
It’s not an argument but just a belief of mine that applies to me.
Pants are for men and shorts are for boys. Shorts have their place. If you’re riding a bike, playing basketball, in Bermuda or some other spot where the weather won’t let you wear pants or attending Eton, then you should wear shorts. I’m sure there are a few more exceptions but I can’t think of them right now.
27
ryanb
// Nov 5, 2009 at 4:31 pm
“It’s not an argument but just a belief of mine that applies to me.”
Then don’t write it in the passive subjunctive. Instead write “I feel like a boy if I wear short pants”. I mean, since you are only applying your rule to yourself and all….
28
jake
// Nov 5, 2009 at 4:42 pm
“Passive subjunctive” sounds like a sex position. Were you in one of those, Phil?
29
tariann
// Nov 5, 2009 at 4:47 pm
The sweats with the elastic around the ankle?
NEVER!!! They should be banned for life
Workout “sweats” or yoga pants?
The gym or out running (not running errands!)
Fashion or college sweats?
If you are home or in the hospital sick and lying in a bed for most of the day and not going out into public.
I don’t like seeing scrubs in public either. It means either someone is gonna be tracking street dirt into a clean environment or they are bringing bodily fluids from a hospital environment into the street.
And what is with doctor’s receptionists having to wear scrubs? Why? Wearing scrubs and sweats all the time is dangerous- you can get really fat w/o noticing for awhile cos your clothes have too much leeway. Then it is too late!
Shorts are ok on guys at the beach or park or garden or in a workout situation – just never at work. If you are a dude I don’t want to see your knees, shoulders or toes in the office or lab. Maybe that’s sexist but that’s how I feel.
30
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 4:56 pm
You mean 2nd person? Passive would be if the shorts wore you, unless my grammar is fucked. Man, you’re almost as defensive as me!
If Jake would have said that it’s wrong to wear a scummy, stained, white polyester hat I would have been livid as hell too.
31
ryanb
// Nov 5, 2009 at 5:14 pm
In Soviet Russia, Phil dress you!
32
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Jake, what constitutes an old timey hat? Is it anything but a baseball cap or wool skullcap? Also I think 60 years old is a bit long to wait for those hats, why not allow them in the mid 40s?
33
jake
// Nov 5, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Anything with a bill that goes all the way around is old-timey.
Maybe 60 is too old, but the 40s is too young. Let’s settle for the 50s.
34
phil
// Nov 5, 2009 at 5:53 pm
There must be exceptions. For example Greek fishermen should be able to wear Greek fisherman hats and federal park rangers and Mounties need to wear their uniforms. Also what about cowboys?
35
jake
// Nov 5, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Oh yeah. Ok, so cowboy and ranger hats don’t count. Also, most things with floppy brims (like what you’d wear at the pool) don’t count. I’m talking about bowlers, fedoras & so forth.
Also, it’s ok to wear these thing if you’re actually in the time period that they’re from. So it’s fine for Indiana Jones to wear an Indiana Jones hat.
36
Sara
// Nov 6, 2009 at 7:36 am
Not out of the confines of your own home. Under no circumstances should sweat pants be allowed in public. Especially men who seem to never wear underwear under said sweatpants which results in the knuckle-effect and is disturbing.
37
Joe
// Nov 6, 2009 at 7:53 am
Phil, you wear shorts all the GD time. Like the last 5 times I have seen you you were wearing shorts. Also you rode across the Brooklyn bridge in your loosey whities. That photo is the most viewed in my flickr stream because of underwearFanBoy69 and other users.
So you not only wear shorts all the time but also frequently wear just your underwear.
As for the question asked, I agree with phil’s original answer and would also like to add: Whenever you are going to a party and have a boner.
BISP!
38
phil
// Nov 6, 2009 at 9:13 am
Joe, those were loosey-tannies, and wearing shorts to ride a bike makes sense and fits with the rules I established. Also my knee was really messed up and my pants were chafing it.
It’s not my fault I have such a vigorous action-packed life that I need to wear shorts/baggy-blueys all the time.
Where is the pic by the way? I want to see it.
39
MissBella
// Nov 6, 2009 at 9:28 am
My friend’s boyfriend wanted to wear sweatpants on our double date! hahaha
I think you are allowed to wear them in your own home or the gym, or like..shopping or something.
If you go out to other things, parties or other social gatherings…wear something else!
40
holly
// Nov 6, 2009 at 9:31 am
at the gym. lounging or sleeping at home if it’s really cold.
that’s it though. i just moved to ohio and freaking every college student wears sweat pants constantly. with flip-flops. how does that make sense?
41
Efbystereo
// Nov 6, 2009 at 10:06 am
I’m with Phil. The strip club is where it’s at. I have done it. I rule.
42
Kim L.
// Nov 6, 2009 at 10:34 am
um, as often as possible. i wear my sweatpants so much that my neighbors think i exercise for a living. and colin gets really embarassed when i wear them out. but it’s really only to the market and the gas station. ok, maybe i’ve worn them to breakfast when it’s really cold out. they have tight stretchy bottoms and i love them. so there.
43
beth
// Nov 6, 2009 at 11:28 am
I am surprised that no one has mentioned that is OK to wear them “baggy” and with “the Reebok’s with a strap.”
44
sarah
// Nov 6, 2009 at 1:59 pm
@beth Or only on Wednesdays like The Plastics.
45
jason
// Nov 6, 2009 at 2:02 pm
@jake: waiting until you’re fifty to wear old titmey hats!? maybe wait until fifty to join the barbershop quartet but wearing the porkpie is okay at any age. i know you don’t really feel that way, jake.
46
beth
// Nov 6, 2009 at 2:03 pm
@Sarah
Gretchen: Regina, you’re wearing sweatpants. It’s Monday.
Regina: So…?
Karen: So that’s against the rules, and you can’t sit with us.
Regina: Whatever. Those rules aren’t real.
Karen: They were real that day I wore a vest!
Regina: Because that vest was disgusting!
Gretchen: You can’t sit with us!
Regina: [pause] These sweatpants are all that fits me right now.
Regina: [after being ignored] Fine! You can walk home, bitches.
47
jake
// Nov 6, 2009 at 2:12 pm
@jason: Eff yeah I’m serious. Do you see me wearing a pork pie hat? Why aren’t you wearing one right now? Because it’s wrong.
48
phil
// Nov 6, 2009 at 2:17 pm
He’s not wearing one cause he’s indoors! That’s my rule #2: take your hat off indoors.
49
Joe
// Nov 6, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Things phil always does: wear shorts.
Things phil rarely does: doff his dirty white hat when entering a building.
50
Joe
// Nov 6, 2009 at 3:25 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/peteg/2384631521/
51
Joe
// Nov 6, 2009 at 3:28 pm
http://www.flickr.com/photos/vickenyon/186805772/
52
phil
// Nov 6, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Rules were made to be broken, Joe.
53
Joe
// Nov 6, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Old timey hats are cool. I feel like guys who wear them and are our age are brave and should be looked up to as heroes. They have to live with so much scorn and derision.
On surveying the photos I have to admit that I may have been giving Phil short shrift. The hat he wears indoors, at least in photographs, appears to be exceptionally clean and white.
[Edit: Its probably because he keeps it out of the sun.]
[You know, by wearing it indoors so much]
54
Joe
// Nov 6, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Thats cool phil. My rules are maintaining an organized and clean workspace/general surroundings, always wearing my seatbelt, and only smoking cigarettes if I rolled them myself and only on weekends.
55
phil
// Nov 6, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Joe I think you have some advanced stuff on your camera that makes my hat look clean. Where are these underwear pics I heard about?
56
annie
// Nov 6, 2009 at 4:03 pm
I was going to say never, but then I started to think of all these questions like, are we talking true sweat pants with the elastic around the ankles? Because that would be never. If we are talking work out pant/lounge pants only acceptable in the house and at the gym or running. Now I just read the stream and all my questions have been answered, I also got a ton of other info that has nothing to do with the original question. Thanks guys…
57
prof. fancy pants
// Nov 8, 2009 at 1:58 pm
i have changed my sweat pant position since my last overseas trip. originally it was only when running in the cold (in the heat would be just plain uncomfortable). but now i think it is okay to change into sweats in the bathroom (or presidents lounge) prior to a greater than ten hour flight iff you change back into street clothes immediately after landing.
58
phil
// Nov 9, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Professor, you should change your sweat pants’ position by hiking them up several inches above your waist.
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