Nast!

Since I have praised and/or phooeyed food or restaurants for all but one of my reviews, I have decided to keep with the trend. I chose to review jalapeño poppers because on Wednesday night, while my mind was briefly under the control of unknown forces, I decided to eat a few of these bad boys for dinner. Needless to say, I was so underwhelmed that I immediately began to type out my frustration.

They are usually too hot to eat in the beginning, but you go for it anyway and end up scorching your mouth (which is either a random blessing sent by the universe so you can’t taste the rest of the junk on your plate OR it’s a clever tactic cooked up by the Poppers® people (AKA The HJ Heinz Company) for the same reason stated.) But I digress. I think that I would be amiss if I didn’t mention that Rachael Ray thinks that the particular poppers I speak of are “perfection”.

But generally speaking, I do not see eye-to-eye with Ms. Ray on many of her choices, poppers included.

While vacationing with friends, my pal Ben whipped up some amazing jalapeño poppers from scratch. They were fantastic and we all fought over the scraps. I can’t really say anymore about them, I’m told it’s a closely guarded secret. What I can tell you is, that what ate last night shouldn’t even be allowed to share the same food group, let alone name.

Bottom line: Frozen jalapeño poppers?! More like jalapeño poopers! They never taste as good as you think they will and you feel crappy after eating them. Pun. Intended.

[As well as the eighth grade humor.]