→ 10 answers so far ↓

• 1 phil // Dec 24, 2008 at 8:34 am

  I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but it’s probably the part where a guy comes back to life after dying.

  The bible tells you a lot of foolishness like when it says you shouldn’t shave or be gay or eat clams but it’s also is full of some real talk and wisdom. Like for example it tells you “the battle is not to the strong nor the race to the swift, but time and chance take their toll on all men”.

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “kudos”

• 2 Joe // Dec 24, 2008 at 10:17 am

  fuck, my question accidentally hit your macro. that passage isnt very funny.

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “unnggghhhh!”

• 3 Tiffany! // Dec 26, 2008 at 11:47 pm

  Someone told me today that they were looking forwards to getting married because they did a lot of bible study and it says that once you are married, a man should be “OBSESSED with his wife’s breasts”

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “black word!”

• 4 devin // Apr 25, 2009 at 11:07 am

  This question requires a more complete knowledge of the bible than I have. I think for real comedy you need to go to the old testament ( Jewish). Ok here’s one which is funny to me because it begins with else-if, which makes it sound like someone is being programmed to behave in a conditional looping fashion:

  “Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of flies upon thee, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thy houses: and the houses of the Egyptians shall be full of swarms of flies, and also the ground whereon they are.”
  (endif)
  Exodus 8:21

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “real talk”

• 5 chris // Apr 12, 2010 at 10:47 am

  Proverbs 21:19 (New Living Translation)

  It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “props”

• 6 Joe // Apr 12, 2010 at 10:54 am

  Chris, that passage isn’t funny: It is real.

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “[applause]“

• 7 prof. fancy pants // Apr 14, 2010 at 6:04 pm

  2 Kings 2:23-24 (New International Version)
  From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said. “Go on up, you baldhead!”

  He turned around, and looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord.

  Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

  (42 is also the answer to the universe. coincidence? i think not)

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “hooray!”

• 8 prof. fancy pants // Apr 14, 2010 at 6:05 pm

  Acts 20:9 (New Living Translation)
  As Paul spoke on and on, a young man named Eutychus, sitting on the windowsill, became very drowsy. Finally, he fell sound asleep and dropped three stories to his death below.

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “real talk”

• 9 prof. fancy pants // Apr 14, 2010 at 6:06 pm

  Exodus 35:1-3 (New International Version)
  Moses assembled the whole Israelite community and said to them, “These are the things the LORD has commanded you to do: For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death. Do not light a fire in any of your dwellings on the Sabbath day.”

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “that’s what she said!”

• 10 prof. fancy pants // Apr 14, 2010 at 6:06 pm

  Judges 16:17 (New International Version)
  So he told her everything. “No razor has ever been used on my head,” he said, “because I have been a Nazirite set apart to God since birth. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man.”

  current votes: 0 vote if this makes you say “unnggghhhh!”

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